The Rock

Rampage

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Rampage
  • IMDb: link

Rampage movie reviewRampage is big dumb fun, but it’s a little light on the fun. Based on a simplistic 32 year-old arcade game and its various sequels concerning giant monsters toppling buildings, the film centers on Dwayne “It’s Okay to Call Me The Rock Again” Johnson and his ape friend George who is one of a small group of creatures enlarged and driven violent by gas from a secret orbital laboratory run by a pair of douchey CEOs (Malin Akerman and Jake Lacy, neither of whom appear competent enough to run a taco stand let alone a multi-billion dollar company). There’s also a scientist (Naomie Harris) and a government agent (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) who figure into the long and drawn-out set-up before the film finally offers us monsters destroying a city.

Director Brad Peyton‘s largest asset is The Rock who makes the film watchable, if not always enjoyable. The best scenes are between The Rock and his ape pal George (even if the humor is pretty lowbrow). As for the rest of the film, it’s comparable enough to any throwaway monster flick from the 1950s with plenty of plotholes and monsters that are somewhat interesting but aren’t necessarily all that scary.

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Jumanji: Unwelcome is the Remake

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  • Title: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
  • IMDb: link

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle movie review1995’s Jumanji isn’t a great adaptation of the award-winning children’s book about a game which brings jungle chaos to the real world, but it works well-enough as a family-friendly adventure. Fast-forward to 2017 and Jumanji is reinvented as a video game, a concept which gives the sequel/remake the ability to cast big name stars playing kids trapped in the game. While the concept is initially interesting, nothing about the plot makes sense in the structure of a video game as the script quickly devolves into a hot mess.

The film begins in Breakfast Club-style when four students, a nerd (Alex Wolff), jock (Ser’Darius Blain), popular girl (Madison Iseman), and freak (Morgan Turner), get thrown in detention by a stern principal. Finding an old video game in the school’s basement, the foursome are transported into the world of Jumanji as the avatars they chose: the hero (Dwayne “It’s Okay to Call Me The Rock Again” Johnson), his zoologist sidekick (Kevin Hart), a cartographer (Jack Black, basically doing Rob Schneider‘s shtick from The Hot Chick), and a dance-fighter (Karen Gillan). As in the original, the group will discover another player (Nick Jonas) trapped in the game.

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Baywatch

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Baywatch
  • IMDb: link

Baywatch movie review

Based on the 90s television show not good enough for network television which earned a following in syndication by providing soap opera style plots that often had little to do with the characters’ actual jobs of lifeguards, comes a new feature film version of the franchise. Dumb, almost entirely forgettable (I can’t name a single plot from the show either), and mostly an excuse to put beautiful people in swimsuits and have then run around on-camera, the movie is exactly what you’d expect.

With a generic script which could have been easily adapted from any number of other properties, the set-up is fairly simple. Former Olympic swimmer turned failed human being Matt Brody (a ripped Zac Efron) arrives on the beach as one of the lifeguards’ new recruits. The others include the underdeveloped Summer Quinn (Alexandra Daddario) and the goofy comic relief Ronnie Greenbaum (Jon Bass). While Brody immediately clashes with the lifeguard leader Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne “It’s Okay to Call Me The Rock Again” Johnson), Ronnie is given his own subplot involving his attraction to the beautiful C.J. (Kelly Rohrbach).

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The Fate of the Furious

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: The Fate of the Furious
  • IMDb: link

The Fate of the Furious movie reviewHow did this franchise manage eight films? When The Fast and the Furious was released in 2001 to mixed reviews I doubt anyone foresaw the series generating seven sequels. Following in the path of the previous films, The Fate of the Furious is a pretty dumb film that provides entertainment mostly through the more ridiculous pieces of its plot (and let’s be honest, it’s all ridiculous).

When the series began there was a focus on racing, real stunt work, and fast cars. Over the recent entries the series has devolved a bit into a live action cartoon making it impossible to take anything seriously. Remember the last (almost completely forgettable) movie had a tank and cars jumping through buildings? Well this on has a submarine!

Playing on the themes of friendship and family, the latest entry pits Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) against the team he put together when the world’s best hacker known as Cipher (Charlize Theron) blackmails him into joining a crew that actually doesn’t need his help (seriously, every piece of Cipher’s plan is only made harder by Dom’s involvement, as it brings in his team to stop them).

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