Science Fiction

Duum

  • Title: Doom
  • IMDb: link

DoomHey I got an idea, let’s take a first person shooter video game and make a movie out of it. Hmmm….I don’t know.  Yeah, and we’ll get I don’t know like Jean Claude Van Damme, or wait I know The Rock to shoot up a space station of zombies and aliens. I don’t know, sounds pretty dumb.  Hey, people shovel in dumb morning, noon and night and beg for more. Explosions is entetainin’, the movie can completely suck and they’ll still love it.  Hell go do what ever you want I need to sign Hillary Duff and the Olsen Twins to a new reality tv project.

Maybe that’s not how Doom got made, but sure seems likely to me. This is a terrible awful movie folks. I’ll make the same offer I’ve made before with movies this bad.  If you were planning to see this just give me your ten bucks and I’ll beat the crap out of you.  Trust me; it’s a much more humane solution. I know this is the part where I’m supposed to tell you what the film is about, so here goes…

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Can’t Stop the Signal

  • Title: Serenity
  • IMDB: link

“I would rather have a show that a hundred people need to see than a thousand people like to see.” —Joss Whedon

serenity-posterHere’s a peculiar story, a television show that only aired for four months and was cancelled after a dozen episodes has been made into a movie. Joss Whedon’s short lived, but much beloved, Firefly told the story of Malcolm Reynolds and his crew in the distant future, got the whack from Fox Television.  Cancelled after only half a season into its run it produced big numbers when released on DVD and Whedon was asked to revive the franchise on the big screen.  So what’s the result?  Damn good if you ask me.

The movie begins four to eight months after the last episode of the series Objects in Space took place.  Captain Malcolm Reynolds (Nathan Fillion) and his crew are still doing what they do, trying to make a living, legal or criminal, out in the blackness of space.  The crew includes firstmate Zoe (Gina Torres) who served with Mal in the war for independence, on the losing side, her husband and pilot of the ship Wash (Adam Tudyk), the ship’s mechanic Kaylee (Jewel Staite), and the rather dim-witted muscle Jayne (Adam Baldwin).

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Sound of Thunder, Made by Idiots and Signifying Nothing

  • Title: A Sound of Thunder
  • IMDB: link

a-sound-of-thunder-posterAside from possibly being the worst adapted sci-fi project ever, this is the longest 100 minute movie I have ever been forced to sit through.  Now I was pissed at Spielberg’s screwed up vision of Minority Report but even that becomes almost watch able compared to this reject.  It’s not just that it is so bad mind you, and it’s terrible by the way, it’s the mind boggling way in which the story is run into the ground through such staggering ineptitude.

It’s obvious that millions of dollars were spent, but my question is where did it all go?  The special effects look like they were done using early 80’s technology and the tone of the movie strays through every genre without getting a single one right for even an instant.  It’s quite a shame because the premise of the story, based of a Ray Bradbury short story of the same name, is actually quite interesting.  Sadly though they gave the rights to this group of hacks and the results are stunningly bad.

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