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The Forbidden Kingdom

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: The Forbidden Kingdom
  • IMDB: link

“I’ll kill you witch!”
“Not if I kill you first orphan bitch!”

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Based on one of the four Great Classical Novels of Chinese literature, Journey to the West, this new adaptation tells the story of a Jason (Michael Angarano) a young boy from Boston who finds himself thrust into a magical world and charged with returning the golden staff to the Monkey King (Jet Li) thus freeing him from his stone prison and freeing the land from the tyranny of the man who turned him into a statue, the Jade Warlord (Collin Chou).

Along the way to seek the wizard, um, I mean Warlord, Jason encounters companions who journey with him to help him on his quest including a drunken master (Jackie Chan), a beautiful girl hell-bent on revenge (Yifei Liu), and a monk (Jet Li).

Together this small band of rebels travels through forests and deserts across the yellow brick road to reach the fortress, take on the Jade Army, led by the Warlord’s assassin (Li Bing Bing), and defeat Cobra Kai, um, I mean release the Monkey King.

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Street Kings

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Street Kings
  • IMDB: link

“We can get these guys!”

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Detective Tom Ludlow (Keanu Reeves) is a problem solver.  Part of a specially trained unit put together by his boss (Forest Whitaker), Tom is asked to do the dirty work which needs to be done.

Tom’s life gets complicated when a former member of the unit (Terry Crews) is killed while he is tailing him and looking for payback.  Tom instantly becomes part of an Internal Affairs investigation led by Hugh Lurie (without a cane), is forced to destroy evidence, and begins questioning his role as a cop as he searches for the killers who no one wants found.

This film, based on a story by James Elroy, has been passed around Hollywood for years before landing in the lap of director David Ayer.  What he gives us is an okay action flick which wants desperately to also be a stark drama, for which they cast Keanu Reeves.  Reeves does what he can with the material, but he isn’t able to elevate it to make it mean something more. At least it’s better than Ayer’s last attempt at a self-destructive cop on the edge (read that review).

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Nim’s Island

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Nim’s Island
  • IMDB: link

“Be the hero of your own life story.”
 

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Abigail Breslin stars as Nim, a headstrong young girl with a good heart who lives on a deserted island with her reclusive scientist of a father (Gerard Butler).  When her father is delayed on an expedition Nim asks for help from the most logical source – the hero of her favorite novels Alex Rover (also played by Gerard Butler).

Nim’s cries for help do not reach Alex Rover adventurer, but Alexandria Rover (Jodie Foster) author.  Alexandria suffers from acute agorophobia, motion sickness, and a host of other issues which makes it impossible for her to help Nim, but she can’t turn the child down.  And so with her make-believe hero in tow (also, quizzically, played by Butler) Alexandria begins a trip by boat, plane, and helicopter, to help.

Nim’s situation if further complicated by a cruise ship who decides to stop on the island and let its passengers enjoy the beach.  Unwilling to allow this encroachment into her home, Nim forms a plan with the help of her animal companions to turn away the invaders.

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More Video Game Movie Mediocrity

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Hitman
  • IMDb: link

What’s Thanksgiving without a turkey?  Hitman is exactly is good as you would expect from a flick adapted off a series of video games.  It’s not the mind-numbing disaster Doom was (thank God! read that review), but it’s not exactly good either.

Timothy Olyphant stars as “Agent 47,” a bald hitman with a bar code stamped on the back of his head.  He works for a secret organization performing assassination and murder for hire, that is until (for no apparent reason) he’s sold out by the people who own him and he goes on the run with a whore (Olga Kurylenko) owned by the man he must kill and avoid capture by the Interpol agent on his tail (Dougray Scott).

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Less, Far Less, Than Meets the Eye

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Transformers
  • IMDb: link

As a kid I had Transformers toys, I watched the television series without fail, and collected the original Marvel Comics Transformers series (all 80 issues and those lame cross-over mini-series too!).  So the fanboy in me was ecstatic when I learned that a live-action film of the comics, television show, and toys I grew up with was going to be attempted.  But when I heard that Michael Bay was going to head the project I felt less than thrilled.  Remember, this is from the guy who defended The Island, but I still doubted whether Bay could translate the stories of my youth to the big screen.  I shouldn’t have worried because he didn’t even try.  There isn’t a single recognizable moment from the Transformers of my childhood other than you’ve got robots that transform into objects and vehicles.  I am deeply saddened that Bay and his writers didn’t trust the source material and the original character designs and mythology choosing instead to throw out over twenty-years of history to do it their own way.  The result is less, far less, than meets the eye.

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