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Nim’s Island

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Nim’s Island
  • IMDB: link

“Be the hero of your own life story.”
 

nims-island-poster

Abigail Breslin stars as Nim, a headstrong young girl with a good heart who lives on a deserted island with her reclusive scientist of a father (Gerard Butler).  When her father is delayed on an expedition Nim asks for help from the most logical source – the hero of her favorite novels Alex Rover (also played by Gerard Butler).

Nim’s cries for help do not reach Alex Rover adventurer, but Alexandria Rover (Jodie Foster) author.  Alexandria suffers from acute agorophobia, motion sickness, and a host of other issues which makes it impossible for her to help Nim, but she can’t turn the child down.  And so with her make-believe hero in tow (also, quizzically, played by Butler) Alexandria begins a trip by boat, plane, and helicopter, to help.

Nim’s situation if further complicated by a cruise ship who decides to stop on the island and let its passengers enjoy the beach.  Unwilling to allow this encroachment into her home, Nim forms a plan with the help of her animal companions to turn away the invaders.

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More Video Game Movie Mediocrity

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Hitman
  • IMDb: link

What’s Thanksgiving without a turkey?  Hitman is exactly is good as you would expect from a flick adapted off a series of video games.  It’s not the mind-numbing disaster Doom was (thank God! read that review), but it’s not exactly good either.

Timothy Olyphant stars as “Agent 47,” a bald hitman with a bar code stamped on the back of his head.  He works for a secret organization performing assassination and murder for hire, that is until (for no apparent reason) he’s sold out by the people who own him and he goes on the run with a whore (Olga Kurylenko) owned by the man he must kill and avoid capture by the Interpol agent on his tail (Dougray Scott).

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Less, Far Less, Than Meets the Eye

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Transformers
  • IMDb: link

As a kid I had Transformers toys, I watched the television series without fail, and collected the original Marvel Comics Transformers series (all 80 issues and those lame cross-over mini-series too!).  So the fanboy in me was ecstatic when I learned that a live-action film of the comics, television show, and toys I grew up with was going to be attempted.  But when I heard that Michael Bay was going to head the project I felt less than thrilled.  Remember, this is from the guy who defended The Island, but I still doubted whether Bay could translate the stories of my youth to the big screen.  I shouldn’t have worried because he didn’t even try.  There isn’t a single recognizable moment from the Transformers of my childhood other than you’ve got robots that transform into objects and vehicles.  I am deeply saddened that Bay and his writers didn’t trust the source material and the original character designs and mythology choosing instead to throw out over twenty-years of history to do it their own way.  The result is less, far less, than meets the eye.

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DOA: Dead or Alive

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: DOA: Dead or Alive
  • IMDb: link

This movie’s got disaster written all over it.  The acting is average, the plot is ridiculous, and the dialogue will have you laughing and groaning.  But it does have beautiful, and scantily clad, young actresses, some nice sets and attractive scenery, and some pretty good stunts and wire work.  Fans of B-movies, and adolescent teens, might find a film that that can laugh-at and enjoy yourself while doing so.  Is it a good film?  Not really.  Is it a good time?  For the right audience, yes it is.

We’ve seen martial arts tournament flicks many times before.  Hell, Jean-Claude Van Damme made a career off them.  DOA isn’t a great film, in fact in many ways it’s quiet laughable and absurd, but it is an enjoyable experience that knows exactly what it and doesn’t try to be anything more.

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Pirates of the Caribbean: Trainwreck at World’s End

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
  • IMDB: link

“There was a time when a pirate was free to make his own way in the world, but our time is coming to an end.  Our enemies are united; they vow to destroy us.  The Pirate Lords from the four corners of the Earth must stand together.”

pirates-at-worlds-end-posterThe film begins, after a bizarre introduction about singing coins and eight pieces of nine (don’t ask) which is never satisfactorily explained, with Will (Orlando Bloom), Elizabeth (Keira Knightley), and Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) in Singapore.
Their visit has two purposes.  The first is to gain the maps and ship necessary to travel to Davy Jone’s Locker and rescue Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp).  The second involves a poorly thought out, and even worse explained, plotline about a meeting of pirate lords, mysterious artifacts, and a goddess which Barbossa wants to use to fight back against Norrington’s (Jack Davenport) control of the seas.

After making a deal with Captain Sao Fang (Chow Yun-Fat) the group sails to rescue Jack (who doesn’t make his first appearance until more than 20 minutes into the film) who is lost in a bizarre land where he is haunted by mirror images of himself and stones which turn into crabs.

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