2.5 Razors

Nosferatu: A Symphony of Silly Nonsense

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Nosferatu
  • IMDb: link

Once a serious horror movie has you giggling at it, it’s almost impossible for it to win you back. A scene at the opening of Nosferatu features a young woman’s bedroom being breached by a creature appearing in shadow (which is captured on the film’s poster). It’s a cool effect, seeing the outline of our vampire only shown in the shadow of the bellowing curtain. For me, it’s the first, and sadly last, creepy moment of the film. And once you can’t take the film that so desperately needs to be taken seriously, Nosferatu devolves quite quickly into silly nonsense.

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Heretic

/ / Home Video
  • Title: Heretic
  • IMDb: link

Heretic is half a good movie that unfortunately falls completely off a cliff into unimaginative horror. The setup is strong as we meet two young Mormon missionaries making their final stop of the day to share the word of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints with the middle-aged Mr. Reed (Hugh Grant). Tailor-made to play off an actor like Grant’s collective work, the charming man is of course not what he seems as the two young women slowly realize as an open discussion of religion becomes something far darker.

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Skeleton Crew – Can’t Say I Remember No At Attin

/ / Television Reviews
  • Title: Star Wars: Skeleton Crew – Can’t Say I Remember No At Attin
  • wiki: link

Still searching for their home world, the crew’s robot steers them to what was likely once very similar to At Attin but now is a post-apocalyptic hellscape (or the Disney equivalent where nothing remotely violent happens on-screen). The crew spends a single episode on At Achrann with the kids and Jod (Jude Law) each joining opposing warbands until they meet up again with the crafty pirate captain having crafted a fix for all of them. The end of the episode teases clues to the real At Attin until it’s revealed SM-33 (Nick Frost) has been programed to forget about his experience with the former planet. When those memories are unlocked by Fern (Ryan Kiera Armstrong) his orders to kill anyone asking about the planet are revived as well.

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Wizards Beyond Waverly Place – Saved by the Spell

/ / Television Reviews
  • Title: Wizards Beyond Waverly Place – Saved by the Spell
  • wiki: link

The best thing about this episode of sending Billie (Janice LeAnn Brown) to a non-magical school for the first time is the pun in its title (sadly the episode doesn’t feature Billie stopping time and directly speaking to the audience). Despite being told “no magic,” Billie uses plenty in her attempt to win over Roman‘s (Alkaio Thiele) best friend Winter (Taylor Cora) after striking out making friends of her own. Playing on the tease from the previous episode we also see a phantomus drawn to the school by Billie’s magic and attack Roman (after he steals her wand).

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Cross – Ride the White Horsey

/ / Television Reviews
  • Title: Cross – Ride the White Horsey
  • IMDb: link

While being so riled up with his wife’s killer fucking with him, and working on finding the missing phone which is now in the hands of the dead man’s baby mama, Alex Cross (Aldis Hodge) nearly shoots his daughter. And the poor girl, distrustful of anyone who could actually help her, runs into a hitman staying the same hotel who eventually gets bored of waiting and just kills her. So, it’s not a great week for the master detective. Meanwhile, our serial killer (Ryan Eggold) targets his next victim which will complete the bizarre recreation set by targeting her at a coffee shop and over a dating site. However, a clue found by Cross will allow the actual investigation to get started.

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