1 Razor

Vicious

/ / Home Video
  • Title: Vicious
  • IMDb: link

Vicious DVD reviewRecently released on home video, Vicious is nearly unwatchable. The film, if it can be called that, answers the question of what a TBS attempt to recreate a Cinemax After Dark movie might look like. Written and directed by Jason Rosenblatt, Vicious stars Angela Nordeng as law student Belle White who pays her bills by stripping under the stage name of Roxy. The film primarily focuses on a pair of customers who frighten Belle, one overtly by stalking her, and the other passive-aggressively by consistently odd behavior hoping to convince Roxy to quit the business.

The film is presented as a thriller of our protagonist falling into despair and fighting back. The result is far less interesting. Troubled by low production cost, inconsistent cinematography, questionable acting and dialogue, and a meandering plot, Vicious is a mess. For a thriller, it’s far from thrilling. For a film about strippers, it’s far from titillating. For a drama, it’s far from dramatic. Because the film is hyper-serious about its content, this dog of movie can’t even make it into the realm of cheesy fun. About the only thing the film is good for is a cure for insomnia.

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Why Joker is the Most Overrated Movie of the Year

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Joker
  • IMDb: link

Joker movie reviewAlthough it has been phenomenally successful at the box office, writer/director Todd Phillips‘ film focused on the origins of the most famous Bat-villain has divided critics. Forgetting for a moment that attempting to rationalize and explain one of the most inexplicable characters ever created is a terrible, terrible idea doomed to failure, Phillips’ choices over the course of Joker leave much to be desired.

Stealing its plot from two different Martin Scorsese films (Taxi Driver and The King of Comedy) and adding a layer of DC Comics on top which acts more of a fuck you to fans than celebration of the character (purposely making claims that fly in the face of 80 years of comic writing), Phillips offers a script to explain the creation of the Joker. The movie isn’t a descent into madness, our lead character is already far gone by the time we meet him. Instead, Joker examines how a shitbag like our protagonist became the most famous villain in Gotham. And, in one of the film’s most troubling aspects, excuse that behavior by re-purposing the blame of the Joker’s actions on society itself. The Joker doesn’t kill people, society kills people.

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Holmes & Watson

/ / Home Video
  • Title: Holmes & Watson
  • IMDb: link

Holmes & Watson Blu-ray reviewHolmes & Watson sets a new bar for the worst Sherlock Holmes adaption ever made. It’s likely it will keep that honor for several years, if not decades. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly don’t so much play Sherlock Holmes and Dr. James Watson as reprise their roles from Step-Brothers playacting what they mistakenly believe 19th Century versions of the characters must have been like.

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The Outpost – One Is the Loneliest Number

/ / Television Reviews
  • Title: The Outpost – One is the Loneliest Number
  • IMDb: link

The Outpost - One Is the Loneliest Number television review

Even with accomplished actors, a substantial budget, and intelligent writing, it’s difficult to make fantasy work on-screen. The Outpost has none of these things. A cross between a fan film and a larping expedition, the opening episode of The Outpost introduces us to an elfish young woman named Talon (Jessica Green) who has lived in hiding as a human since her family was butchered by human soldiers 13 years ago. Working as a barmaid has its privileges it seems, as it has somehow also given her great abilities with a sword (enough to kill several fully-armed soldiers). After waiting for years, Talon is off to find and murder the men responsible for the death of her family which leads her to an outpost on the frontier where she comes face-to-face with her first intended victim.

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The Hitman’s Bodyguard

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: The Hitman’s Bodyguard
  • IMDb: link

The Hitman's Bodyguard movie reviewWhen searching for something, anything, positive to say about a bad movie you can almost always fall back on “Well, at least it was in focus.” Sadly, I can’t even offer that most basic of compliments to The Hitman’s Bodyguard in which any strong ambient light destroys the focus of the shot, highlighting characters in a fuzzy glow while blurring out the entire background in a bizarrely amateurish manner.

Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson star in an uninspired buddy comedy about a once-proud bodyguard and his newest client, a man who has attempted to kill him on numerous occasions, who he needs to deliver in time to testify against a bland movie villain (Gary Oldman) for reasons that only makes sense in a script where things explode for no reason whatsoever.

Although there are some minor chuckles to be had (mostly from the pair adlibbing), and one strong chase sequence around the canals of Amsterdam, The Hitman’s Bodyguard is an uninspired mess featuring two actors screaming at each other for the better part of two hours.

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