1 Razor

King Klong & The Island of Monsters

  • Title: King Kong
  • IMDb: link

See what happens when you reward a director for 4 hour CGI heavy movie! King Kong is a maddening film. Peter Jackson has been dreaming of making Kong for years now.  Who would have thought his dream would become our nightmare?  There are some good moments and acting but it’s all been hidden beneath so much CGI that you can hardly see it.  I preferred the remake of Mighty Joe Young with Charlize Theron or the 1976 King Kong with Jeff Bridges to this monstrosity.

The story in a nutshell is this…  Filmmaker Carl Denham (Jack Black) along with his writer (Adrien Brody), stars Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts) and Bruce Baxter (Kyle Chandler) and his crew travel to the mysterious Skull Island to film a movie.  After about a third of the film’s running time they arrive on the island and Miss Darrow is taken captive by a aborigine tribe of pole jumpers (who mysteriously appear and disappear completely in the film) who plan to sacrifice her to Kong (voice by Andy Serkis).  While trying to save Ann the group encounters every kind of CGI monster you can imagine including numerous bugs, velociraptors, T-Rexes, oh who gives a crap, there’s a bunch of monsters okay?  After saving Ann, Carl decides to capture Kong and take him to Broadway to make his fortune.

King Klong & The Island of Monsters Read More »

Fool Me Twice, Shame On Me

  • Title: The Ice Harvest
  • IMDb: link

Pushing Tin was released in 1999.  It was a semi-dark comedy with Cusack and Thornton as air traffic controllers that missed the mark badly and crashed right into the control tower well before it’s scheduled landing.  It seems history was doomed to repeat itself as the two have re-teamed up to give us the drab and rather ordinary The Ice Harvest.  Maybe these guys should just stay out of each other’s careers for their own sakes and ours.

Fool Me Twice, Shame On Me Read More »

Schlepgirl

  • Title: Shopgirl
  • IMDb: link

ShopgirlSteve Martin’s novella might be a wonderful story but you’d have a hard time convincing anyone of that after they see this pretentious and emotionless thud of a movie.  This movie is a mess of bad direction, odd editing, and both over the top and totally unemotional acting.  One of the biggest disappointments of the year.

Schlepgirl Read More »

Fantastic Flop

  • Title: Fantastic Four
  • IMDB: link

Sometimes you go to movies with low expectations and are pleasantly surprised because the movie is better than you expected.  This is not that film.  I walked out of Fantastic Four with a strange sense of bewilderment that no one tried to stop this train wreck from being shown.  Didn’t anyone on set see how bad this was?  Did no one at the studio level watch dailies, or by watching them did they see their careers end and decided they’d rather jump off the top of Fox headquarters than bring this up with the brass? 

I would have thought someone at Marvel or 20th Century Fox would have had the good sense to burn every last reel of this turkey.  Even if you had to burn the entire building to the ground, it would still be a better solution than unleashing this thing on an unsuspecting public.  It is almost impossible to describe how bad this film is, but I have a mission to make sure as few people’s lives are ruined as possible by witnessing this atrocity firsthand, so I will do my best.

Fantastic Flop Read More »