1.5 Razors

Stillbourne Legacy

bourne-legacy-hardcoverIt’s been twenty-five years since Robert Ludlum published The Bourne Identity and fifteen years since the third and final book of the series, The Bourne Ultimatum, was published.  With the popularity of the new Matt Damon movies, Ludlum’s estate gave the project of resurrecting the series to Eric Van Lustbader.  In hindsight, it would have helped if someone had made sure Lustbader had actually read Ludlum’s books.  Lustbader’s The Bourne Legacyis a sequel of the worst order; a horribly written dime store novel, filled with characters that are only shadows of their once vibrant selves, full of countless continuity errors as the author gleefully violates the rules of the series, rewriting it to make it his own.  Anyone who thinks they can do a better job with an author’s characters than the author himself should read this to see what happens when such material is put in the wrong hands.

Stillbourne Legacy Read More »

An EX-cruciating Experience

  • Title: The Ex
  • IMDb: link

Nothing tires me out and makes me more bored than a lazy film that relies completely on formulaic plotlines and predictable story.  The Ex is just such a film, and not even the casting of some truly funny people can save this film from itself.  It’s just a stupid, boring, excruciating bore.

The Ex?  Well, at least we know the same amount of time and energy that went in to making this turkey was also used to come up with the title.  “The Waste” or “The Crap” or “The Disappointment” would all have been (slightly more) appropriate titles as well.

Tom Reilly (Zach Braff) is a nice guy who’s just never been able to hold down a stable job.  Now that his wife Sofia (Amanda Peet) has just delivered their first child Tom decides to leave New York and take Sofia’s father (Charles Grodin) up on his offer to work at his ad agency in Ohio.

An EX-cruciating Experience Read More »

Ghost Rider

  • Title: Ghost Rider
  • IMDB: link

ghost-rider-posterThe thought that kept going through my mind during Ghost Rider was – huh? The film is a schizophrenic mess which at times appears to be a legitimate Hollywood film and then seconds later makes you think you’re watching some apathetic junior high kid’s film project.

Without a coherent tone, the film flounders through lousy acting, crummy directing, and dreadful writing.  Two of these three failures can be laid at the feet of writer/director Mark Steven Johnson (Daredevil, Simon Birch).  I don’t want to say the writing was awful (too easy), so instead let’s just say Johnson’s writing style makes the dialogue of George Lucas sound like Shakespeare.

And his directorial decisions, from casting to final cut are simply dreadful.  Add to that some of the worst acting by an ensemble since Ed Wood made his last film and you’ve got the making of one huge train wreck.  But hey, at least the guy on the bike looks cool.  That’s something, right?

Ghost Rider Read More »

Smokin’ Aces

  • Title: Smokin’ Aces
  • IMDb: link

smokin-aces-poster

Smokin’ Aces wasn’t the total disaster I was dreading, but it is certainly far from the fun thrill ride I’d been overly hopeful for.  The pace and look of the film work, so does the cast, but when you rely on plot points that would look silly in the most amateurish comic book by depicting them as true in a real world setting, well that’s a problem – a big one.  It’s not a complete waste of time, the film has a pace and energy that serves it well, but it’s far too flawed for my tastes.

Buddy “Aces” Isreal (Jeremy Piven) is a magician and wannabe gangster who has slowly managed to weasel himself into the uper echelon of the last great mob family.  As the head of the crime syndicate (Joseph Rushkin) begins fade in his old age he puts out word he wants Israel’s heart.  A million dollar hit is put out on the magician who then contemplates giving up everything and becoming a snitch to the F.B.I., if he can live long enough.

Smokin’ Aces Read More »

Harsh Times at the Theater

  • Title: Harsh Times
  • IMDb: link

Imagine if Cheech and Chong cruised around South Central L.A. and Mexico, and one of them was a psychotic Rambo wannabe.  That’s the basic premise, actually the entire plot, of Harsh Times.  These characters have made each of their lives into a long, boring, pointless mess…kinda’ like this film.

Jim (Christian Bale) is an award winning screw-up and psycho.  He spends his days getting high and drunk with his friends in South Central L.A.  Despite his nature, his constant need for violence and total disregard for the law, and severe post-traumatic shock from his time as a soldier in Iraq, Jim wants to be a cop or maybe a Fed.

Harsh Times at the Theater Read More »