1.5 Razors

An EX-cruciating Experience

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: The Ex
  • IMDb: link

Nothing tires me out and makes me more bored than a lazy film that relies completely on formulaic plotlines and predictable story.  The Ex is just such a film, and not even the casting of some truly funny people can save this film from itself.  It’s just a stupid, boring, excruciating bore.

The Ex?  Well, at least we know the same amount of time and energy that went in to making this turkey was also used to come up with the title.  “The Waste” or “The Crap” or “The Disappointment” would all have been (slightly more) appropriate titles as well.

Tom Reilly (Zach Braff) is a nice guy who’s just never been able to hold down a stable job.  Now that his wife Sofia (Amanda Peet) has just delivered their first child Tom decides to leave New York and take Sofia’s father (Charles Grodin) up on his offer to work at his ad agency in Ohio.

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Ghost Rider

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Ghost Rider
  • IMDB: link

ghost-rider-posterThe thought that kept going through my mind during Ghost Rider was – huh? The film is a schizophrenic mess which at times appears to be a legitimate Hollywood film and then seconds later makes you think you’re watching some apathetic junior high kid’s film project.

Without a coherent tone, the film flounders through lousy acting, crummy directing, and dreadful writing.  Two of these three failures can be laid at the feet of writer/director Mark Steven Johnson (Daredevil, Simon Birch).  I don’t want to say the writing was awful (too easy), so instead let’s just say Johnson’s writing style makes the dialogue of George Lucas sound like Shakespeare.

And his directorial decisions, from casting to final cut are simply dreadful.  Add to that some of the worst acting by an ensemble since Ed Wood made his last film and you’ve got the making of one huge train wreck.  But hey, at least the guy on the bike looks cool.  That’s something, right?

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Smokin’ Aces

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Smokin’ Aces
  • IMDb: link

smokin-aces-poster

Smokin’ Aces wasn’t the total disaster I was dreading, but it is certainly far from the fun thrill ride I’d been overly hopeful for.  The pace and look of the film work, so does the cast, but when you rely on plot points that would look silly in the most amateurish comic book by depicting them as true in a real world setting, well that’s a problem – a big one.  It’s not a complete waste of time, the film has a pace and energy that serves it well, but it’s far too flawed for my tastes.

Buddy “Aces” Isreal (Jeremy Piven) is a magician and wannabe gangster who has slowly managed to weasel himself into the uper echelon of the last great mob family.  As the head of the crime syndicate (Joseph Rushkin) begins fade in his old age he puts out word he wants Israel’s heart.  A million dollar hit is put out on the magician who then contemplates giving up everything and becoming a snitch to the F.B.I., if he can live long enough.

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Harsh Times at the Theater

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Harsh Times
  • IMDb: link

Imagine if Cheech and Chong cruised around South Central L.A. and Mexico, and one of them was a psychotic Rambo wannabe.  That’s the basic premise, actually the entire plot, of Harsh Times.  These characters have made each of their lives into a long, boring, pointless mess…kinda’ like this film.

Jim (Christian Bale) is an award winning screw-up and psycho.  He spends his days getting high and drunk with his friends in South Central L.A.  Despite his nature, his constant need for violence and total disregard for the law, and severe post-traumatic shock from his time as a soldier in Iraq, Jim wants to be a cop or maybe a Fed.

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Empty Chest

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
  • IMDB: link

pirates-dead-mans-chest-posterPirates of the Carribean: Dead Man’s Chest is a perfect example why sequels shouldn’t be made.  There’s nothing original here as the film gives us action scene after action scene, without any real story to hold them together. 

Nor does it help that the film steals plot, characters, scenes and more from Clash of the Titans (the Kracken, the floating coffins), King Kong (the island and its multicultural tribe, the running time), The Return of the Jedi (the Quarren, the Sarlaac, the Ewok village, the ceremonial fires and the exact scene as Han Solo tries to blow the fire out), Raiders of the Lost Ark (the tribe chasing the explorers through the jungle to the safety of the plane, the giant boulder), The Matrix Reloaded (the search for an oracle, the gathering together of forces on an adventure in the next film) and others even including American Gladiators (atlasphere)!

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