1.5 Razors

Chloe is far less erotic and thrilling than you were hoping

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Chloe
  • IMDB: link

“I try to find something to love in everybody. Even if it’s a small thing.”

What makes a good erotic thriller? The simplest method I’ve found is what I call “the giggle test.” If either or both the dramatic and sexually-charged scenes of a movie make you giggle (or groan) it fails the test. An erotic thriller that makes you guffaw uncontrollably may become a cult classic (see Showgirls) but a slight giggle or two means only mild amusement at best (and only at the expense of those on screen). Chloe doesn’t pass the test.

One might expect, given the cast at his disposal and experience in this genre, director Atom Egoyan (Where the Truth Lies, Exotica) fully capable of adapting the French erotic thriller Nathalie… for American audiences. One would be wrong.

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Chloe is far less erotic and thrilling than you were hopingRead More »

Chloe is far less erotic and thrilling than you were hoping Read More »

When in Rome New York

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: When in Rome
  • IMDB: link

The first thing you need to know about When in Rome is it doesn’t take place in Rome (give or take ten minutes).

I wanted to like this film. But nothing, not even the talents of Veronica Mars and Tad Hamilton, could save the film from a flurry of romantic comedy cliches and contrivance we are forced to witness.

Kristen Bell stars as Beth, a workaholic museum curator. Although Beth is the youngest curator of the Guggenheim, her job which pays her enough for the following: a spacious Manhattan apartment, a last-minute flight to Rome, and a closet of designer fashion. Who knew curators got paid so well?

Anywho, Beth travels to Rome to attend the wedding of her more impulsive younger sister and fall for her new brother-in-law’s best man, Nick (Josh Duhamel). They meet cute, have a few misadventures over the course of the evening, and then part due to a misunderstanding (didn’t see that coming!) that only ever occurs in movies like this.

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When in Rome New York Read More »

Jennifer’s got a smokin’ Body but no soul

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Jennifer’s Body
  • IMDB: link

jennifers-body-posterHere’s what I learned from Jennifer’s Body.

1) Academy Award nominated screenwriters are just as good at writing mediocre horror flicks as everyone else.

2) People should really stop giving Æon Flux director Karyn Kusama work.

And 3) Asked to do some real acting, and without Michael Bay’s lascivious ogling lens, Megan Fox (who isn’t allowed to straddle motorcycles in cut-offs here) isn’t nearly the same sexy siren her fans drooled over in the Transformers franchise.

The film isn’t awful, but it wastes what little it brings to the table by serving up a lukewarm TV dinner that fails to satisfy. Jennifer’s Body makes several errors on it’s way to Best Buy’s DVD bargain bin, some of which I’ve summarized below.

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Jennifer’s got a smokin’ Body but no soul Read More »

Taking Woodstock

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Taking Woodstock
  • IMDB: link

taking-woodstock-posterAng Lee (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Lust, Caution, The Ice Storm) has crafted some moving films over the years. He’s also responsible for a few which have missed the mark (Hulk, Ride With the Devil). Sadly, his latest is the later. In terms of recreating the scope and magnitude of Woodstock, the film succeeds, but in almost every other way it fails to impress.

In Taking Woodstock, Lee takes on a subject which has been done to death in film and television over the years. Not surprisingly, the director finds it hard to bring anything new to the table.

The story centers around the creation of the event and how it transforms a small community into the lovefest for the ages. The Daily Show alum Demetri Martin stars as the bright skittish young man (was this role originally pitched to Michael Cera?) who uses the event to help save his parent’s failing hotel by finagling a deal with the organizers of the event to hold it on the farmland of a neighbor (Eugene Levy).

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Taking Woodstock Read More »

My Life in Ruins (after watching this movie)

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: My Life in Ruins
  • IMDB: link

Aside from the beautiful scenery, and a few nice moments from Richard Drefus (who’s really slumming it here), there’s very little to separate My Life in Ruins from any number of braindead romatic comedies. Here’s one of those films where a character notices the love of her life under her nose, finds meaning in her demeaning job, and everything ends happily ever after for everyone (except the audience).

When the film isn’t throwing out contrived plot points like candy, and simply allows the actors to give some actual weight to their characters, there are slight glimmers at what this film could have been. Sadly, these moments are few and far between.

Nia Vardolas stars as Georgia, a disgruntled travel guide. She hates her job, she hates the people she works with, she hates her rundown tour bus, and she hates her tourists who are a collection of cliches you are much more likely to find in a movie like this than on an actual tour bus.

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My Life in Ruins (after watching this movie) Read More »