Kicking & Screaming won’t take any space on the ‘great sports films’ rack, but it should provide families with some easy laughs and some rainy day diversions.  And if nothing else, it’ll provide moviegoers with the all important tetherball fix we’ve so desperately been lacking.

Kicking & Sreaming
2 & 1/2 Stars

Will Ferrell doesn’t exactly break cinematic ground with Kicking & Screaming, but as yet another entry in the ‘kid sports’ genre, it’s certainly a little unique.  Not nearly as blue-collar and sarcastic as The Bad News Bears (which gets its own update this summer from Richard Linklater and Billy Bob Thorton), K&S provides a lot of unexpected laughs.

Scream, Dracula, scream!

Ferrell plays a meek and embittered vitamin supplement store owner who just can’t measure up to his hyper-competitive dad (Robert Duvall), who just happens to coach the little league soccer team his son plays on.  After Duvall trades Ferrell’s son to another team, Phil decides to coach the perennial losers in an effort to one-up his old man.  Phil brings in the help of Mike Ditka, who has been warring with his dad for years, to get his coaching skills up to par.  By definition and federal mandate, hilarity then ensues.

Put rather simply, Kicking & Screaming is The Mighty Ducks Play Soccer; same idea, same ‘coach becomes win-obsessed jerk’, and same hokey finale.  Except that in this version, the kids are really nothing more than afterthoughts to the comedic force of Will Ferrell, who almost assuredly ad-libbed a good portion of his performance.  You’ll walk out of this movie remembering only Will Ferrell and Mike Ditka (who just steals every scene he’s in). 

There are some inspired moments with Ditka and Duvall, who bring a gleeful malice to their interactions as bickering neighbors, especially to their confrontation over who’s the better coach, but in the end this is Will’s show.  No one does over-the-top reactions like Ferrell, and his moments of lunacy are enough to make you forget just how flimsy the rest of the film is.  It’ll be interesting to see how this effects his steamroller momentum in Hollywood, but I can’t imagine it’ll put too much of a dent in it.  Judging from the audience of soccer kids at the screening, it’ll be a hit with the younger crowd.  After all, there’s nothing kids like more than seeing adults make fools of themselves, and Ferrell is blissfully unafraid to be a complete buffoon.

Kicking & Screaming won’t take any space on the ‘great sports films’ rack, but it should provide families with some easy laughs and some rainy day diversions.  And if nothing else, it’ll provide moviegoers with the all important tetherball fix we’ve so desperately been lacking.

Action fans should be sated by the sheer brutality, and less-visceral seeking filmgoers should find a lot to enjoy with the film’s emotional heart, but Li has a long way to go before he can be judged by his American output.  Overall, Unleashed should provide action fans with some solid, if fleeting, summer enjoyment.

Unleashed
2 & 1/2 Stars

Jet Li, unlike Jackie Chan, hasn’t had a solid American release since his journey to our silver screen, and frankly he’s due.  While he doesn’t possess the charisma or easy charm of some of his Asian ambassador co-horts, Jet Li’s sheer physical prowess and humble attitude should translate easily with American audiences.  Sadly, Unleashed doesn’t exactly live up to the potential he’s shown.  Fortunately, it’s a sight better than previous efforts, if only due to the attention and care brought to the film by writer/producer Luc Besson, and co-stars Morgan Freeman and Bob Hoskins. 

Jet Li says “Arf”

The premise of Unleashed is unique enough to set it apart from the rest of the ‘unwilling hero’ genre that chokes the action film market.  Li stars as Danny, a vicious and unstoppable killer whose been trained to be little more than an attack dog by his low-level mob owner/uncle Bob Hoskins.  Until he’s let loose on whatever target Hoskins has picked, Danny is a meek man-child who doesn’t understand the world around him, but instinctively longs for a better life than the one he’s living.  After an accident, Danny finds his way to Morgan Freeman’s Sam, a blind piano tuner who lives with his teenage daughter Victoria (Kerry Condon).  Sam & Victoria tend to Danny’s wounds both physical and psychological, and try to get him accustomed to the world at large, but Danny’s old life comes back to haunt him as Bob Hoskins relentlessly tries to get back his most prized possession. 

In all actuality, were you to replace Li with Van Damme, Speakman, Seagal, or any other martial arts star, this film’s plot could be easily switched with any number of late 80’s / early 90’s fight flicks.  Tortured hero finds peace only to be dragged back into a life they’ve desperately tried to escape?  That’s about as original as a sunrise, but what sets Unleashed apart is the care paid to Danny’s rehabilitation, and the respectability lent the film by Freeman.  (As an aside, what is it with African-American Oscar winners going for an easy action flick as soon as the Oscar is in their hand?  Halle Berry did it with Die Another Day, Jamie Foxx is starring in a Top Gun-meets-War Games action flick (Stealth) this summer, and Lou Gossett, Jr. went from Officer & A Gentleman to Jaws 3-D.)  Freeman’s performance lends the 2nd Act of Unleashed more respectability than it probably deserves, but for an action film this piece manages to carve out an emotional core that is sorely lack from similar efforts, which makes the 3rd Acts descent into type all the more disappointing.  But until that point, the interaction between Danny and his newfound family is both endearing and uncommon, if a little creepy.  Victoria’s less than platonic interest in Danny is a bit baffling, and none too uncomfortable upon reflection.

The action sequences are among the best Jet Li has been able to produce with an American studio, which might be due to the involvement of Yuen Woo-Ping, the famed fight choreographer.  Director Louis Leterrier finds a perfect balance of brutality and grace in Li’s physical performance, and let’s the camera pull back enough to enjoy the sheer visceral impact of every kick, punch, head-butt, and body slam.  To be sure there’s no shortage of jump cuts and quick edits, but more than not the camera lingers on every hit, which drives home just how impressive Jet Li remains, even at the age of 43.  Similarly, the camera work on Unleashed is above the norm, with Luc Besson’s influence seeping through in every frame with subdued color work and striking camera movement.  Had a little bit more care been shown in how the last act played out, Unleashed might have been able to really distinguish itself from the current slate of punch-out films, but as it is Li will have to settle for better than average.

Action fans should be sated by the sheer brutality, and less-visceral seeking filmgoers should find a lot to enjoy with the film’s emotional heart, but Li has a long way to go before he can be judged by his American output.  Overall, Unleashed should provide action fans with some solid, if fleeting, summer enjoyment.

With today’s geo-political climate, releasing a big budget epic about the Crusades seems like a most misguided endeavor, regardless of the intentions. No amount of revisionist moralizing can lessen the damage wrought by the Crusades, and an accurate portrayal would surely alienate a good chunk of the movie going audience, but never let it be said that Hollywood has ever backed down in the face of accuracy.

Overall Kingdom of Heaven suffers from some of the same problems that the recent Troy and Alexander carried. Namely, it’s a whole lot of spectacle wrapped around a bare-bones plot and rice-paper thin characters. Fans of large scale epics will surely find something to enjoy here, but don’t expect the film’s impact to last much longer than the drive home.

Kingdom of Heaven
3 Stars

With today’s geo-political climate, releasing a big budget epic about the Crusades seems like a most misguided endeavor, regardless of the intentions. No amount of revisionist moralizing can lessen the damage wrought by the Crusades, and an accurate portrayal would surely alienate a good chunk of the movie going audience, but never let it be said that Hollywood has ever backed down in the face of accuracy.

Orlando gets his sword on…again

Ridley Scott seems to exist in a ethereal world of gorgeous scenery and visuals, but he seems to have lost touch with the more cohesive elements of storytelling. With Kingdom of Heaven, Scott trades the togas for chain mail, but otherwise misses the same marks as Gladiator. This time around the brutish stoicism of Russell Crowe has been replaced by the fragile reserve of Orlando Bloom, but otherwise Kingdom of Heaven is yet another variation on the story of a damaged man who finds a purpose greater than himself in the battle for an empire.

Bloom plays Ibelin, a widowed blacksmith who leaves France for the Holy Lands at the request of his father (Liam Neeson), a baron who holds both land and the respect of the king of Jerusalem. Ibelin agrees to take his father’s title and responsibilities in order to find forgiveness for himself and his departed wife, but is soon caught between the political maneuverings of the war mongering Guy de Lusignan (Martin Csokas) and peacekeeper Tiberias (Jeremy Irons), as well as the romantic intentions of Guy’s wife Sibylla (Eva Green), who is the sister of King Baldwin (Edward Norton), the ruler of Jerusalem and architect of it’s uneasy peace. Soon enough the machinations of Guy and his knight Reynald (Brendan Gleeson playing the exact same role he did in Troy), spark a war between the Christians and the Muslims leaving Iblein to defend the city of Jerusalem from the Muslim Army.

Like most of Ridley Scott’s films, Kingdom of Heaven is an action packed epic that tells the tale of one man’s search for redemption. In this case, however, Scott lays too much plot on the shoulders of Bloom’s Ibelin; so much that one could surmise that Kingdom of Heaven was an almost Christ-like allegory at its core. An unlearned laborer rises up to defeat an army all for the sake of peace? Subtlety is not one of Scott’s most recognized traits. Indeed, once the spectacle of the action and set design is over, it’s nearly impossible to look back on Ibelin without asking “Where did he learn all this stuff about fighting and strategy? And how does a man who can kill a priest in cold blood come to preach about peace and understanding?”

The logic holes of Kingdom of Heaven are both massive and frequent which, depending on your ability to forgive or forget, will either make or break your viewing experience. I’m not capable of setting aside things like the complete absence of Jews in Jerusalem, or some of the ridiculous choices the characters make, but I will admit that the film is simply gorgeous to look at, and its action sequences are effective and powerful, even with Scott’s trademark jump cuts and staccato editing. Sadly, The Two Towers and Return of the King may have unfairly set the bar for large scale battle scenes, but Kingdom of Heaven does a great job putting you in the middle of every swing, shot, and loosed arrow.

Bloom is well on his way to typecast-dom, but for all intents and purposes, he handles himself well. His looks give him a slight disadvantage, as ‘tough’ is not an adjective that springs to mind, but he has the damaged hero look down pat. Jeremy Irons and Liam Neeson both deliver their trademark solid performances, and both actors disappear from the screen far too soon. As stated before Brendan Gleeson is in comfortable territory as the immoral crusader, but it’s a rut he doesn’t deserve to be in. David Thewlis and Martin Csokas both do fine work with what little their given to do, but Edward Norton delivers one of the best performances as the leper king Baldwin. Completely unrecognizable in both features and voice, his portrayal lends Kingdom of Heaven perhaps a little more weight than it deserves. As Bloom’s love interest, Eva Green is for the most part simply there to drive the plot along, as her character’s motivations and actions are only partially explained and her revelation is given little to no weight whatsoever. It’s strange that Ridley Scott, a man who’s no stranger to strong female roles, has seemingly marginalized the feminine aspects of his films in the last few years, but he seems to go in cycles.

Overall Kingdom of Heaven suffers from some of the same problems that the recent Troy and Alexander carried. Namely, it’s a whole lot of spectacle wrapped around a bare-bones plot and rice-paper thin characters. Fans of large scale epics will surely find something to enjoy here, but don’t expect the film’s impact to last much longer than the drive home.

All in all, House of Wax is a better class of stupid-but-fun horror romps. Characters are dispatched in inventive (and cringe-inducing) ways, and director Jaume Serra doesn’t pretend to be making a landmark suspense film. Rather than bombard you with crappy music that telegraphs every scare, the film uses its score with no small degree of style by randomly giving you silence and music, so that you don’t know what’s going to happen. It worked well enough to make me jump more than once, and that’s no mean feat.

So if you’re feeling the need to see photogenic B-listers taken out in a horrific manner and then dipped in wax, this is the movie for you. House of Wax doesn’t come close to approaching the weirdo-creep factor of the Vincent Price original, but it’s a welcome return to the glorious days of bloody mayhem and forgettable horror.

House of Wax
2 & 1/2 Stars

If there’s one thing Hollywood has done right in the last couple of years it would be knowing that if Paris Hilton is in a movie, she’d better die in a horrible, brutal manner. Thankfully, House of Wax has seen fit to continue this trend.

Artist Rendering of Paris Hilton’s Soul

A remake in only the loosest sense, House of Wax is yet another Dark Castle update of an old horror classic. This time around the unlucky victims are a group of college kids on their way to the Big Game, but soon find themselves stranded in the boonies. Faster than you can say “Crystal Lake”, bad things start happening as the WB All Stars find themselves being stalked by two crazy brothers with some odd ideas on what constitutes a memento.

Elisha Cuthbert and Chad Michael Murray lead the pack of soon-to-be-forgotten faces this time around, with Jared Padalcki, Jon Abrahams, Robert Ri’chard, and Paris Hilton filling out the ranks. Rather than delve into the details of a horror film plot, we’ll just stick with how things work out.

You’ve got to turn off the dumb meters for any horror film, and this one is no exception. What does set this slasher flick apart from the pack is its early 80’s feel, both in its gorey deaths, and the hallmarks of its characters’ behavior. If you can’t guess who’s going to live or die within the first 15 minutes of this movie, you have no right to call yourself a horror fan. Just like in the halcyon days of 80’s horror, sex means death, characters are too stupid to realize that open doors are pathways to unimaginable horror, and hiding from the baddie never, never works.

All in all, House of Wax is a better class of stupid-but-fun horror romps. Characters are dispatched in inventive (and cringe-inducing) ways, and director Jaume Serra doesn’t pretend to be making a landmark suspense film. Rather than bombard you with crappy music that telegraphs every scare, the film uses its score with no small degree of style by randomly giving you silence and music, so that you don’t know what’s going to happen. It worked well enough to make me jump more than once, and that’s no mean feat.

Sure the plot makes about as much sense as a hobo’s dream diary, but that’s not what you’re there to see. I know what I was there to see, and that was the death of Paris Hilton. Thankfully the film makers seemed to understand that might be a common goal, so they set about doing so in a very satisfying manner. If the crowd doesn’t cheer when she’s finally dispatched, I’d be very afraid of your fellow moviegoers.

My one real nitpick with the film is the casting of teen heartthrob Chad Michael Murray as a rough and tumble thug. I mean c’mon. With his high dollar gym abs and wispy facial hair, Murray looks about as tough as the Snuggles Bear. Seriously. Betty White could take his ass down, but hey: looking for realistic casting in a horror film is like wishing for a pony that flies to the moon.

While we’re talking about the cast, let me take the moment to assure each and every one of you that any fears/hopes you may harbor as to Paris Hilton’s acting ability can surely be put to rest. The titular House of Wax displays more charisma and charm than the giggling socialite, and the only laughs her character generates are the ones that are firmly at the expense of Hilton and her internet sexcapedes.

So if you’re feeling the need to see photogenic B-listers taken out in a horrific manner and then dipped in wax, this is the movie for you. House of Wax doesn’t come close to approaching the weirdo-creep factor of the Vincent Price original, but it’s a welcome return to the glorious days of bloody mayhem and forgettable horror.