I saw it when it first came out – ON THE BIG SCREEN.

An aging movie snob pulls rank on the DVD and multiplex generation.

Let’s get one thing straight- I’d rather not be writing movie reviews for a website. I’d rather be living off the royalties of my books and poetry and basking in the glow of a Pulitzer Prize. A couple of years ago The Kansas City Star ran a series of articles where their arts critics pontificated on why they love doing their jobs, and each one of them, especially the pop music critic, tried to make us believe that they had always wanted to be a critic. Bullshit. No one who’s ever strapped on a guitar as a teenager or caught the winning pass for their high school football team ever wanted to be in the crowd at a concert or on the sidelines. Like most people, they realized that life is not about getting exactly what you want. Life is about settling- and not being miserable.
So I’ll settle for writing for this electronic rag as long as they’ll let me. Why? Because I love movies. I grew up in Los Angeles, an industry town. I spent my childhood, adolescence and early 20’s leafing through page after page of full page movie ads in The Los Angeles Times. I saw “2001: A Space Odyssey” and “Planet of The Apes” when they first came out- on the big screen. I saw “Blade Runner” when it premiered at The Mann’s Theatre in Westwood. I saw Mel Brooks scurry out of the theatre as I was waiting to see the ten o’clock showing of “The King Of Comedy”, his friend complaining that the movie “could’ve been funnier.” When I was sixteen, my brother-in-law, Phillip, was in the crowd at The Olympic Auditorium, part of a casting call for a new fight film. When he got home that night my sisters and I asked him if he’d seen any movie stars. He said the only one he recognized was the guy who played The Penguin in the ‘Batman’ TV series.
The actor was Burgess Meredith and the film was “Rocky”.
Most of the movies I saw affected me because I was young, the theatre was dark and the images were vivid and larger than life. Also, I was at “the show” and not at home, bored. Let’s face it, that’s why most people go to the movies. Movies, like television, are, in the words of Paddy Chayefsky in “Netowrk”, “boredom killers”. Since we humans don’t have to worry about food, clothing and shelter on a daily basis, then it’s all about killing the boredom. Also, movies give us a reason to sit close to someone else in the dark, and they give us a reason to talk to them later.
When I was a kid and a teenager I was serious about movies. And like a serious drinker, I did it alone. There were second run theatres in the towns I grew up in: Compton, South Gate and Huntington Park. The Arden Theatre in Compton had a ‘crying room’ at the back- a sound proof room where mothers could take their unruly children and still watch the movie through the glass and listen to the sound piped in through a speaker on the wall. On Pacific Boulevard in Huntington Park there were three theatres: The New Park, The California and The Warners. Like The Arden, they showed double bills for .50 to .75 cents and the ticket sellers were ok with kids like me watching rated ‘R’ movies. I ate a lot of Flicks and saw some great doubles at those theatres: “Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid” and “The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie”, “Bullitt” and “Bonnie and Clyde”, “The Godfather” and “Skin Game”…
As a young man I frequented the grand palaces in Hollywood and Westwood. My favorite was The Cinerama Dome on Sunset Boulevard, especially when I could get the center balcony seat on the rail. There were also ‘revival’ theatres around town: The Beverly Cinema in The Fairfax district, The Nuart on Santa Monica Blvd., and The Four Star on Wilshire Boulevard, where you could see films like “The Wild Bunch” and “Sunset Boulevard” in all their larger than life glory. And unlike a multiplex, at these theatres when the movie was over you walked out to the lobby and into the street with the crowd, still carrying the mood of the film and a shared experience.
I took a screenwriting class in the early 80’s. The only thing I learned that was useful was how to copyright your work- cheap. (You just mail it to yourself in a manila envelope and if someone steals your idea, then you open it up in court and prove, with the postmark, that you’d had the idea earlier.) Of course, when one of the students asked the instructor about having an idea for a movie stolen, he replied, dryly, “You should be so lucky.”
I went through my ‘scholarly’ phase soon after that, the period when I was into the French ‘New Wave’ and the silents and American film noir. Most of it bored me. Now, when I watch a movie, I think, if one of my co-workers saw this, will they come up to me in the breakroom, wide-eyed and grinning, and ask, “Have you seen——–?” Or I think, if they showed this to the boys in the joint, will they sit through it, with their tattooed guns folded across their chests, and nod in approval when it’s over, or will they be tossing chairs at the guards and slicing throats before the second act? Will frat boys be quoting from it ten years from now?
Is it killing the boredom?
Then there are the films with a ‘payoff’- that moment at the end where character and plot come together in an immensely satisfying rush: Clint Eastwood standing at the saloon door and pointing that Scofield at Gene Hackman, with a whiskey fire burning in his eyes and a taste for revenge on his tongue; Max, barely standing and broken up, next to the wreckage of the overturned tanker, holding out his hand only to catch sand rushing out of the pipes and realizing that “the juice… the precious juice” had been in the school bus all along.
Moments like that can only be fully appreciated on the big screen with an audience.
Now we live in an age where the turnaround time for a movie going from the big screen to DVD is faster and tighter than an ice skater’s single axle. And I think it’s a shame. It’s a shame because movies have become as small as we are. Watching a film like “2001” or “Planet of The Apes” on a television- even a 42″ hi-def plasma screen- is like listening to a Beethoven symphony on AM radio.
Yes, I’m a snob.
The pioneers of organized religion- those old dudes in two story hats- had it right. They knew gods were meant to be worshipped in grand cathedrals. They knew they were putting on a show for the commoners, and they expected the faithful to make pilgrimages to “the show”.
The way I see it, movies, like gods, should be worshipped in grand palaces, not dispensed over the counter in plastic bags and taken home.

I saw it when it first came out – ON THE BIG SCREEN. Read More »

Underperforming Underclassman

When distroying a Porshe is not enough

Underclassman
2 Stars

When Bob and Harvey Weinstein and their Miramax Films joined The Disney Studio family, there were gasps all around from independent film fans. Now that the companies have parted ways, with Disney owning the Miramax catalog (some 500 or more films) and the Weinstein brothers walking away with 100 million dollars (40 million less than ex-Mouse, ex-uber agent, Michael Ovitz ). With about 60 or so Miramax films in the can or in post-production, Disney has begun to dump this sometimes, un-Miramax-like product on to the screens and possibly an unsuspecting public, at a furious pace. This helps explain why the action/ comedy -light Underclassman is hitting your neighborhood Cineplex in September, instead of the height of the Summer action season.

Baby-faced (and Wayan brother look-a-like/ sound-a-like/mug-a-like), bike cop Tracy “Tre” Stokes (Nick Cannon, Drumline, Shall We Dance) can not and will not follow any of the LAPD’s rules of procedure in order to catch a criminal. His busts will no doubt wreck havoc on the force, the civil rights of the accused and innocent bystanders caught up in the chaos of this overzealous rookie.

Threats and admonishments from his father-figure, Captain Victor Delgado (Cheech Marin) goes on deaf ears. You see, Capt. Delgado worked with Tre’s deceased father, a great LAPD detective and promised to look after his boy.

Out to prove he can be an even better cop than his father, Tre accepts an undercover assignment at Westbury High, an exclusive, O.C. type of institution, to help bust up a car-theft ring and just maybe clear up a Westbury teen’s accidental death that may have been murder.

Through sheer force of will and his great athletic gifts, Tre is able to be cautiously accepted by the top tier of the school’s elite crowd, headed by cute Rob (Shawn Ashmore, X-Men 2), by helping the rich white boys win a round of the big basketball game against their arch rivals.

Tre is above his head in all his assigned classes, but, luckily, his honors Spanish teacher, Karen Lopez ( a very wooden, but gorgeous Roselyn Sanchez) is willing to spend extra time tutoring him.

Meanwhile, during each O.C., I mean Westbury High party, a bad ass ride is stolen. It takes Tre two parties to figure out who the crooks are, but, he just can’t follow procedure and blows the car-theft bust and is booted off the force by the Captain.

Not being an official member of the force does not stop Tre. With some sloppy detecting and too obvious clues, Tre solves a murder, breaks up the theft ring, busts some big bad drug dealers, helps his new friends in need and finds himself in a budding romance. Only after all of this good detecting and the breaking of many traffic and gun (and logic) laws, while technically a civilian, is Tre finally on the path of being as good of a cop as his father and making Capt. Delgado proud.

Nick Cannon is a very likeable comedian and the Disney/Miramax folks must have felt that they have the next Will Smith and had enough confidence in him and Underclassman to make him the executive producer. The natural charisma and charm of say, a young Eddie Murphy, is probably what is missing in his potential comedic superstar future. Cannon’s Tre can throw out amusing one-liners, but, so far he has demonstrated abilities that will take him as far as any Wayan brother or Chris Tucker. With more Cannon films slated for release in the next 18 months, maybe his game will show superstar improvement.

Director Marcos Siega’s television ( Veronica Mars ) and music video (Blink 182, 311) background shows. Any modern action film, by the nature of the genre, must have an exciting chase or two, be it car, plane, train or foot. Siega chose to film his climatic car chase, at night, balancing the speed and agility of a Porsche against the size of 18-wheelers and L.A. freeway traffic. Using the cover of darkness to hide flaws, we really never get to see the chase, only a series of quick-cuts, sparks and close calls. The sense of fear and danger is lost in the murk. You can’t expect Siega to re-create Popeye Doyle’s (The French Connection) or Frank Bullitt’s (Bullitt) classic car chases, but at least, let us see the chase and feel a sense of excitement and danger.

Johnny K. Lewis’s portrayal of Alexander, as the stale, stereotypical goofy white boy, wanna be, gets old fast. Rap, Hip-Hop and it’s attitude, vernacular and verbiage has now touched every spectrum of the young adult experience. It is hard to believe any male teen, no matter what the socio-economic scale, doesn’t know his Hip-Hop-speak, if he is going to use it. The delivery of such speak may be goofy and embarrassing, but that teen would at least know the meaning of the culture’s words.

With a few script changes, Underclassman could have been shown as any UPN or WB movie of the week or better yet, clean up the talk and light violence and Miramax could have given us the next generation of The After School Special.

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Man with the Screaming Brain

Bruce Campbell comes through town on his book tour and brings his latest flick, and his directoral debut, for the Sci-fi Channel with him.  A great fun time, and The Man with the Screaming Brain turns out to be an interesting little film, with some very funny moments.

Man with the Screaming Brain
3 Stars

The Man with the Screaming Brain is a B movie sci-fi flick from the most recognizable B movie icon of our time—Bruce Campbell.  The movie will premiere on the Sci-fi Channel this month, but I was lucky enough to see the theatrical print that the Evil Dead star brought with him on his Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way book tour.  The movie gives us some vivid images about the fury of a scorned woman, and quite a few deliciously cheesy moments we have come to expect from a Bruce Campbell vehicle.

Snooty businessman William Cole (Bruce Campbell) and his bored trophy wife Jackie (Antoinette Byron) travel on business to Bulgaria.  Jackie quickly falls for their cab driver Yegor (Vladimir Kolev).  Unfortunately for all concerned Yegor’s spurned ex Tatoya (Tamara Gorski), who William has fallen for, has a nasty streak and ends up killing all three of these hapless characters.  Hell hath no fury…  Dr. Ivan Ivonov (Stacy Keach), a local scientist, saves our characters with the help of his assistant Pavel (Ted Raimi).  The doctor combines William and Yegor’s brains inside of William’s body saving their lives, but with some very odd, and often humorous, side effects.  The doctor also puts Jackie’s brain into Pavel’s female robot.  Our characters return to the streets of Bulgaria to try and hunt down Tatoya and get their revenge.

This is not your big budget Hollywood movie.  As Campbell himself puts it, “hundreds of thousands of dollars were spent to make this movie!”  Still, what the movie lacks in production value it more than makes up for in charm.  If you are a fan of Steve Martin you will recognize parts of All of Me and The Man with Two Brains, and if you enjoyed either of those films I would recommend you check out this one too.  Adapted from the comic book of the same name, the film takes place in Bulgaria for no other reason than the Sci-fi Channel could film cheaper there than in Hollywood.  It makes some odd changes to the story, but also gives the film a very distinct look and flavor it would not otherwise have had.  For example, the absurdity of a two-brained man driving a small motor scooter through downtown Bulgaria is just something you don’t get to see very often in film.

Campbell is wonderful in the physical humor of a man fighting the control of two separate brains.  Byron works fine as his wife, but her character becomes much more interesting after she becomes Robo-babe.  Gorski is well cast as the beautiful but deranged woman who was wronged; she strongly reminded me of Sophia Loren, and I can’t think of a better compliment to give her.  The real surprise here is Ted Raimi who is brilliantly hilarious as the idiot lab assistant Pavel.  I’ve only seen Raimi as an extra in his brother’s various projects; huge props for Campbell for casting him in such a large role.

 

I consider myself lucky to have seen this flick in a theater, but I think it will work well on television or DVD.  It’s an interesting little film that is often funny, and if nothing else it’s better than the constant retreads we seem to be getting from the major studios this summer.  Campbell’s full length feature directorial debut is definitely worth checking out; he gets the most out of the material, the cast, and the odd location of Bulgaria.  The Man with the Screaming Brain will premiere on the Sci-fi Channel at 9:00 pm Eastern time September 10 and will be available on DVD October 4.  Don’t miss it!

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Underperforming Underclassman

A likeable Nick Cannon executive produces himself through a Summer blah-buster.

When Bob and Harvey Weinstein and their Miramax Films joined The Disney Studio family, there were gasps all around from independent film fans. Now that the companies have parted ways, with Disney owning the Miramax catalog (some 500 or more films) and the Weinstein brothers walking away with 100 million dollars (40 million less than ex-Mouse, ex-uber agent, Michael Ovitz ). With about 60 or so Miramax films in the can or in post-production, Disney has begun to dump this sometimes, un-Miramax-like product on to the screens and possibly an unsuspecting public, at a furious pace. This helps explain why the action/ comedy -light Underclassman is hitting your neighborhood Cineplex in September, instead of the height of the Summer action season.
Baby-faced (and Wayan brother look-a-like/ sound-a-like/mug-a-like), bike cop Tracy “Tre” Stokes (Nick Cannon, Drumline, Shall We Dance) can not and will not follow any of the LAPD’s rules of procedure in order to catch a criminal. His busts will no doubt wreck havoc on the force, the civil rights of the accused and innocent bystanders caught up in the chaos of this overzealous rookie.
Threats and admonishments from his father-figure, Captain Victor Delgado (Cheech Marin) goes on deaf ears. You see, Capt. Delgado worked with Tre’s deceased father, a great LAPD detective and promised to look after his boy.
Out to prove he can be an even better cop than his father, Tre accepts an undercover assignment at Westbury High, an exclusive, O.C. type of institution, to help bust up a car-theft ring and just maybe clear up a Westbury teen’s accidental death that may have been murder.
Through sheer force of will and his great athletic gifts, Tre is able to be cautiously accepted by the top tier of the school’s elite crowd, headed by cute Rob (Shawn Ashmore, X-Men 2), by helping the rich white boys win a round of the big basketball game against their arch rivals.
Tre is above his head in all his assigned classes, but, luckily, his honors Spanish teacher, Karen Lopez ( a very wooden, but gorgeous Roselyn Sanchez) is willing to spend extra time tutoring him.
Meanwhile, during each O.C., I mean Westbury High party, a bad ass ride is stolen. It takes Tre two parties to figure out who the crooks are, but, he just can’t follow procedure and blows the car-theft bust and is booted off the force by the Captain.
Not being an official member of the force does not stop Tre. With some sloppy detecting and too obvious clues, Tre solves a murder, breaks up the theft ring, busts some big bad drug dealers, helps his new friends in need and finds himself in a budding romance. Only after all of this good detecting and the breaking of many traffic and gun (and logic) laws, while technically a civilian, is Tre finally on the path of being as good of a cop as his father and making Capt. Delgado proud.

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Needs More Weed Killer

I’m sure there are people that are going to love this film; I’m not one of them.  Even the strong pefromances from the two leads can’t quite save The Constant Gardener from being both boring and predictable – two words you don’t want to describe a dramatic thriller.

The Constant Gardener
2 Stars

Some novels can be adapted to screen successfully and some cannot.  The Constant Gardener belongs in the second category.  The structure for the movie might work in a novel but here the story just gets bogged down.  The film is oddly spliced together with flashbacks in an attempt to try and make the obvious seem murky and mysterious.  Too bad the end result just makes it look lame.  It’s sad such great leading performances were wasted on such a bad script.

The film begins with the discovery of the body of Tessa Quayle (Rachel Weisz) who has been brutally murdered in the Kenyan countryside.  From there the film moves through flashbacks of Tessa’s life mixed with her husband Justin’s (Ralph Fiennes) attempt to discover why she was killed and what became of her companion Arnold (Hubert Kounde) who has disappeared.  Unwilling to accept the official explanation of Tessa’s death being a result of an affair between Tessa and Arnold who must have killed her in a passionate rage, Justin decides to conduct his own investigation and learns that Tessa’s death wasn’t caused by anything so simple.

Let’s start out with the perfromances which are outstanding.  Fiennes is well chosen for the bitter and remorseful character who will stop at nothing to discover the truth.  Weisz who we only see in flashbacks though is the real heart of the film.  Her character is the only one from the film that is complex and three dimensional and whose feelings and actions have consequences not just to herself but to her husband and the world around her.

Aside from the acting the films problems are numerous.  First off the flashbacks reveal too much of Tessa’s character for the audience not to realize what she really died for and the cause itself can be easily deduced very early in the film.  Second the scenes involving the meeting of the two seem to suggest a relationship of convience which would hardly justify Justin’s odyssey later in the film.  Third the scenes of Tessa’s possible infedelities don’t work because the relationship with Justin isn’t developed far enough and the film is too cavalier in giving away more information than is necessary.  And finally the choice in editing makes the film too helter skielter.  It was obviously chosen to try and hide the extremely simple answer to the “mystery” of Tessa’s death, but not only does it not succeed in covering the truth it only detaches the viewer from the film.

The movie was adapted from the novel by John le Carre and I don’t doubt that the story might make a very good novel where such information and clues can be spaced out over chapters.  In a compacted theatrical version the mystery just doesn’t work.  If Justin knew anything about his wife he would be easily able to deduce what happened to her, but the film tries to make Justin totally oblivious to who his wife was and what she was up to.  The result becomes a series of flashbacks between the two where we learn everything about Tessa while Justin stands there totally oblivous.  If he’s really that dense, how’s he suppossed to solve her murder?

The film just doesn’t work as a thriller because the structure continually takes the viewer out of the story.  The film doesn’t work as a mystery because the reasons for the death can easily be deduced just by learning a fraction of who Tessa was.  The drama doesn’t work because neither the love story nor Tessa’s murder seem enough to push the action of the film that develops into a weak Bourne Identity as Justin becomes an expert on covert tatics, surveillance, and digging for the truth (none of which are needed for this very simple plot).  The film tries every trick it can using red herrings, odd editing, and plot contivances to hide what is essentially rather obvious.

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