There was plenty of films from 2005 for the worst of list, but I was able to come up with the worse 10.
N/A
How sad is that, it was much easier to pick out the nasty little gems from last year than to list the best of films? The list below is in no specific order, they suck equally!
 |
The Pacifier: Vin Diesel can be seen in many films and usually he’s very stoic, but in The Pacifier he’s the babysitter. The Pacifier is completely brainless for the family. Very similar to Kindergarten Cop, The Pacifier holds bar to Arnold and the senseless humor. Vin plays the stud who can kick butt, swim like a shark, and live off the land with some army rations, but can’t change a diaper. He truly did not have to do any acting, all he had to do is stand there and let the kids react to him. The site says that The Pacifier is “James Bond Meets Mary Poppins”, more like James Bond becomes Mr. Mom. Every worse case G-rated scenario that could happen does, baby vomit, baby poo, teenage girl problems, teenage boy problems, and the little girl with all the questions. Very surprising that the creators left out any drug, alcohol and sex related issues, but that may have turned the film into PG-13.
The Brothers Grimm: Director Terry Gilliam (Time Bandits, Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas, & The Fisher King) has lost his touch after 7 years. Fans will be amused, but a bit disappointed. Given, The Brothers Grimm, is quite eye catching and has some since of humor accompanied with some very very dark moments. When I say dark moments I mean, a little fluffy kitten in a meat grinder and the skinning of a rabbit in detail, all done with a twisted amount of humor of course. But Terry doesn’t give enough, maybe it has to do with being frustrated with corporate meddling and not having the freedom to really express himself.
The Cave: Spelunkers beware there are mutants down in those caves. Nothing to be frightened of here, The Cave fails to scare or even intrigue it’s viewers, the monsters are amateur looking and the acting is even worse. Dialogue becomes halfway comical at best and the sound and set design is pitiful; this film is one big stinker.
Herbie: Fully Loaded: No matter how many breast reductions they give Lindsay Lohan, this remake is one big failure.
Alone In The Dark: He failed with bringing Sega videogame House of the Dead to the big screen, but hopefully director Uwe Boll finished his career with Alone in the Dark, yet another video game adaptation. This film is scary only on the bases that the studio thinks you should pay to see this horribly stupid catastrophy. What’s scarier yet is that I did pay to see it in the theater and now I am suffering through the DVD version; what I will sacrifice for our public. If this gives you any idea what you are in for, the film’s perspective is shared by the special effects coordinator John Sleep, who was responsible for the special effects on House of the Dead, Scary Movie 3 and Catwoman. I must say that those were pretty stellar films, NOT.
Alexander: Alexander the Great, what a great disappointment. If you are going to want something bad enough to have been thinking and planning for most of your life to make it (almost 32 years), then try not making it a complete disaster and an epic bore. Another suggestion would be to not go on a five year break and then come back and make a huge flop. Don’t take such an important piece of well studied history and turn it into 3 hours of bad casting and innuendos. Is the answer A.) B.) C.) or D.) all the above, what did Oliver Stone do wrong? A safe bet would be to pick D.) all the above. Where to start, everything in the film was so wrong and did not fit.
Boogeyman: Who was not afraid of the Boogeyman? I was scared to death of him so much that my feet never touched the ground in front of my bed and not one single door in my room was left ajar. Sadly to say I was not too afraid of this Boogeyman, it just didn’t spook like it should. It is PG-13 so it is targeted more towards the younger group of movie goers and they may find this to be a jumper. It wasn’t bad to watch just to see hottie Barry Watson, but that was the only benefit I found. Boogeyman does keep you in suspense in the fashion of keeping the creature from prying eyes through out most of the film, it does add a bit of spook factor to not seeing what Barry’s character is so afraid of. A different take from slash and gore films, but could have been a great deal scarier.
Doom: Doom gives us the basic scare tactics with an unoriginal opening, unseen creature slaughtering the scientists in a research station on Mars, never seen anything like that before. The RRTS, Rapid Response Tactical Squad, I’m not too sure about the rapid part, composed of some quite entertaining character names like Goat, Destroyer, Pinky and The Kid, are called in to save the day. Still looking for something different, maybe a little twist or some type of originality? I am too, but don’t hold your breath, it’s not coming. Here is a little insight; did you know you could get to Mars by a portal in the Nevada desert? The iron marine crew shows up and locks down then spend the next 60 minutes or so slugging around endless firepower and getting killed.
Dark Water: Dark Water, that’s funny, this film is more like Murky Water. All I could think was, this film is such a drip. The Hollywood Machine pulled off recreating a Japanese horror once with The Ring, but it’s time to give it up and move on. Jennifer Connelly looked absolutely ill, which may have been the whole purpose to her character, but come on eat a sandwich and start rethinking some of your career moves Jen. Dark Water had one promising attribute and that was John C. Reilly, he played the conning super who sold the apartment to Jennifer’s character and would do nothing to fix the black water dripping from her ceiling or clean the place up. Not knowing the daughter is becoming possessed all along by a little girl that was abandon and had drowned up stairs, she kept living there thinking that maybe she herself was loosing it. I waited for that one scary moment, but it never came and what was even worse, the ending didn’t either. When the film ended, the director and editing team set us up for a 3 weeks later segment; what, three weeks later, can’t we just end this torture and get out of here. If you’re looking for something to keep you on your toes and entertain, then Dark Water is nowhere near the film for you.
Elektra: Jennifer I suggest you stick with the men that helps you move up the later like your co-star from Alias, or easier yet, stick with Alias and cutesy teeny bopper films. Elektra is a pathetic attempt to an already pathetic attempt with Dare Devil and Ben Affleck.