Ian T. McFarland

New on DVD

/ / Home Video News 

Oh, heck yes! It’s Tuesday, and that means that you, yes you, the happy reader of RazorFine Review, gets to read a brand new installment of New on DVD!  Is it even remotely possible to contain the excitement?  I think not.

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Welcome to a week of commercial hits.  With the excetption of American Dreamz, all of the titles in this week’s column either grossed over $50 million in theaters, or lasted on television for eight years.

Film:

The Break-Up – I don’t have many actors that I can’t stand.  When I announced my anticipation for Marie Antoinette to my friends, I was met by a barrage of hatred for Kirsten Dunst; when I see the covers of tabloids, I just can’t understand why everyone loves to hate Lindsay Lohan.  But there is one starlet of Hollywood who I can’t find any favor in – Jennifer Aniston.  She was great in The Good Girl, but in any other movie she fails to prove any ability to act.  All she seems to do in any movie (including The Break-Up,) is recite lines while looking perky and as adorable as ever.  I couldn’t sympathize with her at all throughout all of her trials through the movie because I never saw her character, all I saw was the super-star known for two things: Friends and Brad Pitt.  Having said that, Vince Vaughn is charmingly funny as usual in this film, and it never hurts in my book to feature an alum of Arrested Development (Jason Bateman,) but thanks to Aniston the movie just never works.  Alan wasn’t too fond of it either, as made evident in his review of the film.

Over the Hedge – I never thought I would say this, but the best computer animated film this year so far wasn’t from Pixar.  No, Cars was fun but flat, giving DreamWorks the opportunity to steal the show with its simple but delightful Over the Hedge.  It did everything right – it had an all-star cast (with names like Bruce Willis, Steve Carell and even Captain Kirk,) a family friendly script that anyone could enjoy and, most importantly, it was funny.  It was funny on multiple levels, from Carell’s sugar junkie squirrel Hammy to the over the top direction found in the third act, it’s impossible not to give off a loud laugh at least a dozen times during the movie.  The animation might have failed to bring anything new to the table, but other than that there are no complaints to be had in this movie.  Alan was a believer too, as his review demonstrates.

American Dreamz – Too be honest, I walked out of American Dreamz disappointed.  As a believer that About a Boy is easily one of the most over-looked classics of the past ten years, I was excited to see this promising next film for Paul Weitz.  It was the first to lampoon the easily lampoonable American Idol, and featured Dennis Quaid with a hilariously spot-on impersonation of an American President who might or might not be a reflection of George W. Bush, American Dreamz had the potential to be a great satire on today’s America.  But the final product isn’t what could have been – what we get instead is a jumbled effort that makes it seem as though Weitz couldn’t decide if he wanted to make a serious, political film or a solid knee-slapper.  Still, American Dreamz should be commended for trying something most comedies try to steer clear of: having an intelligent message.  Alan, on the other hand, found more appeal in the film as you can read in right here.

The Omen – You know, The Omen wasn’t that good, but at least it was exciting (which in itself makes it several thousands times more watchable than The Grudge 2)  Sure, it was made obvious from its theatrical campaign that the only reason it was greenlit was so that 20th Century Fox would have a scary movie to release on 6/6/06; but hey, it wasn’t too bad.  It was watchable and, though rarely scary, was often intense.  There are better horror films out there to rent this Halloween; but I’ll be honest, after seeing The Grudge 2 last week (you can read my review of that stinker here,) even White Noise sounds like a fun-filled fright-fest.  Although Alan didn’t exactly agree with me on the issue, obvious from his one-star review of the film.

Television:

That ‘70s Show: Season 5 – Who buys these DVDs?  Seriously, who cares enough to pay money for an okay show that is already run, rerun and overrun through syndication .  The show is a testament of how there’s always going to be an audience out there for crappy television.  Still, if you need a fix for your Fez infatuation, then by all means run out there and throw Fox some more money.

Charmed – The Complete Sixth Season – Rejoice Charmed fans, although the death of the WB may have destined the show for the same fate, you get the sixth of the show’s eight seasons today!  The show was by no means great, but still a fun enough way to pass an hour by.  Some even tried to claim that, in a post-Buffy world, it was a semi-worthy heir to the show.  Of course, no show of its kind has come even close to matching the genius Buffy the Vampire Slayer since it ended three years ago, but you get the idea.

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Not Too Much to Get Upset About

/ / Movie Reviews

Just in time for the Halloween season comes The Grudge 2, a film that sure looks creepy from the commercials and posters.  From the promotions you might be expecting a unique panorama of the disturbing that teaches your stomach how to do a flip.  But the film comes up so stale on the scares that you’ll think someone put the thrills on ‘Mute.’

The Grudge 2
1 Star

I don’t know.  I mean really, I just don’t know.  The Grudge 2 isn’t that awful of a movie.  It is, in most respects, a competent motion picture.  The shots are solid, the story-telling is clear and there’s some decent art direction.  But at the same time, nothing in the film ever comes out to actually grab the audience.  It’s just a blank few reels that try to capture the fright-infested feel for a PG-13 audience perfected by The Ring four years ago that comes up short.

Haunted houses suck.  Seriously man, don’t go in them.  They will mess you up.  Sarah Michelle Gellar learned this two years ago in the first film, but nobody listened to her.  This explains why High School Queen Bees, their followers and the Sister of Gellar’s character (Amber Tamblyn, doing crappiest acting this side of the new year acting this year) all decide to go for a nice bumbling trip into the Japanese homestead haunted by a family of pissed off spirits who, instead of just wanting to get along, curse anyone who enters their home by haunting them, and killing them shortly thereafter. 

They’re all unconnected beautiful people who’s story’s don’t connect until the end.  It’s one of those twist endings that the screenwriter must have thought “Oh sweet, this is going to be like The Sixth Sense, so it must be brilliant!”, but then it turns out that twist endings have been battered to death in the past decade; so though the script ties up all the loose knots well enough, it’s blow you back into your seat.

Bringing on Takashi Shimizu, who directed the Japanese films that both Grudge films are based off of, wasn’t a bad idea.  The kind of quiet, subdued and eerie, lingering nature of Asian film can make a great fit for horror; what better way to acquaint American audiences with a different side of film-making than importing a talent from over-seas.  The Asian influences are obvious, but Shimizu’s final product is an odd mix of the Orient and Hollywood – things are quiet and subdued, but he never translates the creepies into the film.  The scares are more American in nature; there are going to be less people thinking “Crap on a stick, did that kid just meow?  How did that happen?  Who?  What?  I’m scared!” and more people shouting “OH MY GOD WATCH OUT BEHIND YOU, IT’S THE MEOWING KID!” at the screen.  Some attempts are made to make The Grudge 2 genuinely creepy, but if you’ve seen the predisessor there’s nothing new here.  Shimizu just doesn’t have a trick up his sleeve that will frighten anyone who’s already seen The Ring, or for that matter, most horror films before.

The only job that The Grudge 2 can complete is the easiest one of all: it’s a scary movie in October with famous enough celebrities.  This, in turn, will drive middle-schoolers to have their parents drive them in Chevy Suburbans to their nearest suburban cineplex by the hoard.  Let’s face it folks – if you were a 12-year-old who didn’t know what a good Horror film was, you would love to see a scary movie to help prepare for Halloween.  Hey, you might even get some points for being able to show up at school and brag that you saw the film, as your peers stood in awe of the fact that you were brave enough to sit through such a frightening-looking film.

The acting, the story, the scares . . . the only redeeming quality of the film is that the film is never that bad.  But none of that really matters too much, the only reason anyone will see The Grudge 2 is because they’re preteens with the price of admission burning through their Old Navy jeans.

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For Make Glorius Revolution of Comedy

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Borat crosses boundaries to a different country and a harder comedy.
This is a great year for comedy. One one hand, you’ve got Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, a perfect example of how mindless humor can work so well. On the other hand, you have Little Miss Sunshine, proof that there’s always a place for a film that can carry heavy loads of humor and drama at the same time. They’re two opposite ends of the spectrum that perfectly balance each other out while making the audience’s cheeks hurt from smiling so much.
If you’ve somehow managed to sprout a third hand somewhere on your torso, however, you’d be holding Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan in it. Borat isn’t just a silly good time like Talladega Nights. It doesn’t attempt to make you feel warm and fuzzy inside a la Little Miss Sunshine. No, Borat makes a spectacle out of the offensive; you stand a better chance of feeling more comfortable at a KKK gathering than in a theater showing the film. But if you don’t mind jokes aimed at prostitutes, mentally handicapped people and of course, Jews, then you’ll laugh your ass off

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New on DVD

/ / Home Video News 

Today we get a Tarantino-inspired mystery, a Paris Hilton movie (insert sex tape joke here,) and last but not least, yet another opportunity for us to fatten George Lucas’ pocket book.

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What’s that?  There are DVDs available at my convinient Wal-Mart or even my nearest Wal-Mart Supercenter for the first time today?  Oh my!


Film:

Lucky Number Slevin – The only mystery more difficult to solve than the twist-a-minute plot of Slevin is the one of the film’s lack-luster popularity.  Given only a 50% approvel from the guys at Rotten Tomatoes, and making a paltry $22 million in theatres, the Tarantino-inspired hitman mystery never got the chance it deserves so very much.  Boasting a cast any summer tent-pole would kill for (with Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Josh Hartnett, Lucy Liu, along with multiple other A-Listers,) Slevin weaves its way in and out of complicated but easily-enough understood story with commanding visuals and dialogue so deliciously wound in circles that almost sounds like Dr. Suess wrote it.  It already passed you by in theatres, so be sure to catch Slevin on DVD as soon as you can.  Of course, not all of us agreed on the film, which you can discover in Alan’s review of the film.

Bottom’s Up – As any pursuist of fine film could tell you, it has been far too long since Paris Hilton has graced a film with her presence.  Well, wait no longer!  This direct-to-video release stars Jason Mewes in what appears to be his most significant, non-Askewniverse role yet.  In the film Mewes, a good ol’ boy from the middle of the country, moves into Hollywood, somehow becomes a part of the system and of course, falls in love along the way.

Goal! – The first of a planned trilogy, it would be wrong to say that Goal!, another athelete-overcomes-the-odds soccer drama, is that great.  But at the same time, it’d be wrong to say that the feel-good won’t grab the sucker in all of us and captivate us for a couple of hours.  Goal! is about a Mexican-American who never quite got the chance to let his supreme soccer abilities shine in the spot-light, only to find a second chance after he moves to the U.K. chasing the dream he’s carried.  The plot, characters, conflicts can all be predicted within the first five minutes; but nevertheless, Goal! is a satisfying peice of film perfect for family viewing.

The Wild – Oh wait, I already own Madagascar.  Never mind.  But if you want to, you can read Alan’s review by kindly clicking on the link.

Special Edition:

The original editions of Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi – Less than two years after George Lucas swore that the original cuts of his Star Wars films, the ones that showed up on screens in the 70s and 80s, would never make it to home video again, comes the original cuts of his Star Wars films.  Whether or not it’s just a ploy for the Beard to buy another home away from Skywalker Ranch, fans should have at least a little cause for celebration.  Although the audio and video quality of the film are rumored to be sub-par (read a review from our friends at DVD Active here,) the hoarde of bloggers who have been dying to see Greedo get his too-slow gun-drawing ass shot the way it was 29 years ago will get their due.  It may be worth mentioning that these discs are essentially individual releases of the films as they were seen in the 2004 release of the trilogy, with the original cuts relegated to a second disc under the title of “Supplimental Material,” but the die-hards out there won’t care as long as they get to see a sans-Hayden Christensen finish to the trilogy to rule them all.

Television:

Grey’s Anatomy: The Complete Second Season -Members of age bracket 18 – 34 rejoice!  After four long months without having anything to watch, you can finally own the second installment of ABC’s wildly popular Hospital-based soap, Grey’s Anatomy!  And on top of that, you get to see it all uncut!  That’s right, Hundreds upon Hundreds of seconds more of your favorite hotties as they operate on patients and work on their love-life!

The Office – Season Two – Who would have thought that an Americanized, dumbed down version of the brilliant BBC comedy The Office would have worked so well?  Steve Carell is no replacement for Ricky Gervais, but the U.S. version of The Office successfully sits on the edge between a traditional Sitcom and an innovative one, making it funnier than just about any other network television show, while keeping it universally appealing.

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Motherfucking Not Too Bad

/ / Movie Reviews

How do you make a movie that lives up to the dreams of a horde of on-line film geeks?  How do you deliver a film with more cheese than the state of Wisconsin can hold?  Well, you can’t.  The film that the blogosphere demanded out of Snakes on a Plane is not the movie you get, but it doesn’t matter.  It’s still a movie called “Snakes on a Plane,” a movie where, get this, there are snakes.  Snakes on a plane.  That’s all this film is, and it’s all it needs to be.

Snakes on a Plane
3 & 1/2 Stars

Snakes on a Plane is a very strange disappointment.  In the end, the film is a poorly scripted romp that lasts too long and gives us hollow characters we’re supposed to sympathise with; but the buzz built up for Snakes was so solidified that it doesn’t matter.  Evident from the title, the movie is nothing more than a Cheesefest of the highest criteria. 

Film snobs will watch it and inevitably blast it for being just another crappy action movie pushed through production by the studio in hopes of a flagpole franchise, and had there been no on-line movement to help transform it into the genre film that it became, it may have been.  But the lack of substance doesn’t matter, Snakes is fun, and that’s all it needs to be.

This is the part of the review where I’m supposed to recap the plot, but because the story has been recapped for months on web (and as if any summary is needed with a title like “Snakes on a Plane,” I trust that you guys figured it out by now, and if not then might I apoligize for having to live under that rock without Wi-Fi for the past year.

Having taken care of that, let’s get to what’s important – the snakes.

This is the one area that the film gets right down to every detail.  Usually computer generated, the snakes look great; though not in terms of realism.  They look real enough to not be distracting; but at the same time are an obvious product of a computer.  They’re slick, shiny, and even if they aren’t convincing, they look cool.  It’s fun to watch these digital snakes coil down the aisle as they rear their tails and pounce on the frequent flyers.

Watching them murder people is more fun than should be legal.  They bite arms, faces, and even some parts that you can’t show in a film.  Each spot of 10 seconds will send the audience, ready for some serious snake action, into a simultaneous roar of “Ohh. . .” and “YEAH!!”

But the most hyped assetSnake‘s arsenal – none other than the bad-ass motherfucker himself, Samuel L. Jackson – is somewhat of a letdown.  The massive on-line movement was hoping for an insanely furious Jackson that kicked more snake tail than Pelé kicked soccer balls.  They wanted the histrionic Jackson, an agglomeration of every role he’s every played letting out the pent-up aggresion by opening a keg of whoop-ass on those god-damn reptiles.

Although this attribute of Jackson comes out to shine on occasion, Jackson normally grounds his character to make him more believable.  Sam, this movie is called “Snakes on a Plane,” the title alone gives you the right to go ape-shit.

Instead of making the insane, serial snake killer movie that the Internet demanded, director David R. Ellis and Jackson go for a more typical exploitation horror film, but any move that features Jackson getting all taser on a snake’s ass (or lack thereof) is good in my book.

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