I can officially say that I have never made it through one of Javier Bardem’s films. It’s not that I have never tried, The Dancer Upstairs, Collateral, The Sea Inside and Before Night Falls, I’ve tried them all and now I can add Love in the time of Cholera to that list. No, I didn’t break the golden rule as a critic and walk out of the theater. The film actually broke, the thing is it made the film all that more interesting to see the characters upside down and moving backwards, yet the film was still moving forwards, sad to say they couldn’t fix it so I didn’t see the ending. O-well, must have been meant to be, it’s a dreadful thing. I sat and yawn and wiggled in my chair the whole time. Trying to see John Leguizamo as a serious character and no less the same age as his daughter? Get real! Then there is Benjamin Bratt, don’t like that guy at all his acting is like watching paste dry. The one perk to the film was Liev Schreiber, you didn’t get to see much of him, but I sure perked up every time he entered the screen. I don’t recommend Love in the Time of Cholera unless you can’t go to sleep at night and are completely out of sleeping pills. On the other hand, there were plenty of perfect boobies everywhere, so guys might enjoy that part. Could you have imagined the casting call, that’s a lot of breasts to look at to get so many perfect perky ones.
Love in the Time of Cholera
Negative Stars
Love in the Time of Cholera is emotionless and completely disjointed, editing sucked, characters have no connection and one really couldn’t care less if they were to live, die or reproduce, no feeling what so ever, just anger for having to sit through such torture.
Here is a telegraph boy, Florentino Ariza (Javier Bardem), who is delivering messages around his little village. He has a message to drop off at a new residence in town, a mule keeper Lorenzo Daza (John Leguizamo), who grew from poor roots and looks to give his daughter, Fermina Urbino (Giovanna Mezzogiorno) a better life than he had. At first glance Florentino fell in love with Fermina and set out to marry her. Lorenzo would have nothing to do with it and moved his daughter to a village far away in the mountains for a few years. Upon their departure, Florentino cried like a baby in his mother’s lap and spent the next few years pining for Fermina.
Fermina returns to find her father’s trust in her and the keys to his household. Approached by Florentino she realizes that she must grow up and do what is expected of her and marrying a telegraph assistant isn’t the right thing. Believing his daughter has cholera, Lorenzo sends for Dr. Juvenal Urbino (Benjamin Bratt) who becomes instantly infatuated with Fermina and marries her. Once again Florentino runs to mom and cries on her shoulder, as a grown man balling like a baby.
His mother sent him far away to mend his broken heart; on his trip he found sex. Attacked on a steamboat by a stranger in the dark, Florentino had his very first experience with a girl. Heading straight home, he found that sex would make a great substitute for the loss of Fermina. One woman after another, he wooed and slept with never getting attached, until he came across a married beauty.
This is where the film went all crazy and ended for the audience. I imagine he got caught and something went really bad then he moved on to his infatuation with Fermina.
The film begins where it ends, Dr. Juvenal falls off a latter and dies, the town bells ring and, after 51 years, Florentino is standing in Fermina’s front room speaking his undying love for her. She kicks him out, but from the pictures I’ve seen online, it looks like she may forgive him and takes him back in the very end. This part is unseen, so good luck.
I actually found a comment online that said Love in the Time of Cholera is Oscar material, funny it’s not even Raspberry material in my book. If you don’t believe me then believe the multitude of critics that bagged on it at RottenTomatoes. This film is incredibly boring, slow, drawn out, disconnected, odd and weird; overall, it sucked!
Margot at the Wedding is one of those films that make me wish I wasn’t a film critic. I feel obligated to watch said film, but completely bored out of my mind and furious that I felt I needed to set through such torture. Unlikable characters, odd situations and ultimately terrible commentary makes this movie a big bomb, a big bomb I had wished someone would have landed at the end of the film. I think that the film would have greatly benefited from a mass murder from the crazy neighbors or maybe some freak accident of nature. Simply put, I couldn’t wrap my mind around any one thing in this film.
