Alan Rapp

Needs More Weed Killer

Alan Rapp / August 31, 2005 / Movie Reviews

I’m sure there are people that are going to love this film; I’m not one of them. Even the strong pefromances from the two leads can’t quite save The Constant Gardener from being both boring and predictable – two words you don’t want to describe a dramatic thriller.

The Constant Gardener
2 Stars

Some novels can be adapted to screen successfully and some cannot. The Constant Gardener belongs in the second category. The structure for the movie might work in a novel but here the story just gets bogged down. The film is oddly spliced together with flashbacks in an attempt to try and make the obvious seem murky and mysterious. Too bad the end result just makes it look lame. It’s sad such great leading performances were wasted on such a bad script.

The film begins with the discovery of the body of Tessa Quayle (Rachel Weisz) who has been brutally murdered in the Kenyan countryside. From there the film moves through flashbacks of Tessa’s life mixed with her husband Justin’s (Ralph Fiennes) attempt to discover why she was killed and what became of her companion Arnold (Hubert Kounde) who has disappeared. Unwilling to accept the official explanation of Tessa’s death being a result of an affair between Tessa and Arnold who must have killed her in a passionate rage, Justin decides to conduct his own investigation and learns that Tessa’s death wasn’t caused by anything so simple.

Let’s start out with the perfromances which are outstanding. Fiennes is well chosen for the bitter and remorseful character who will stop at nothing to discover the truth. Weisz who we only see in flashbacks though is the real heart of the film. Her character is the only one from the film that is complex and three dimensional and whose feelings and actions have consequences not just to herself but to her husband and the world around her.

Aside from the acting the films problems are numerous. First off the flashbacks reveal too much of Tessa’s character for the audience not to realize what she really died for and the cause itself can be easily deduced very early in the film. Second the scenes involving the meeting of the two seem to suggest a relationship of convience which would hardly justify Justin’s odyssey later in the film. Third the scenes of Tessa’s possible infedelities don’t work because the relationship with Justin isn’t developed far enough and the film is too cavalier in giving away more information than is necessary. And finally the choice in editing makes the film too helter skielter. It was obviously chosen to try and hide the extremely simple answer to the “mystery” of Tessa’s death, but not only does it not succeed in covering the truth it only detaches the viewer from the film.

The movie was adapted from the novel by John le Carre and I don’t doubt that the story might make a very good novel where such information and clues can be spaced out over chapters. In a compacted theatrical version the mystery just doesn’t work. If Justin knew anything about his wife he would be easily able to deduce what happened to her, but the film tries to make Justin totally oblivious to who his wife was and what she was up to. The result becomes a series of flashbacks between the two where we learn everything about Tessa while Justin stands there totally oblivous. If he’s really that dense, how’s he suppossed to solve her murder?

The film just doesn’t work as a thriller because the structure continually takes the viewer out of the story. The film doesn’t work as a mystery because the reasons for the death can easily be deduced just by learning a fraction of who Tessa was. The drama doesn’t work because neither the love story nor Tessa’s murder seem enough to push the action of the film that develops into a weak Bourne Identity as Justin becomes an expert on covert tatics, surveillance, and digging for the truth (none of which are needed for this very simple plot). The film tries every trick it can using red herrings, odd editing, and plot contivances to hide what is essentially rather obvious.

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Writings of a B Movie Star

Alan Rapp / August 29, 2005 / Uncategorized

Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way / If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Star
4 Stars

I was lucky enough to be on a stop for the Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way book tour. Being the naturally curious sort, I went out and grabbed both books to sneak a peek at how Bruce Campbell’s mind works. His first book is the insightful autobiography If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor which tells the story of his childhood and his early work on films (Evil Dead) and television (Briscoe County, Jr.). His new novel Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way effectively demonstrates why Campbell hasn’t worked on more A-list projects. Both are worthy of some serious, well not too serious, readin’!

Shhh…nobody tell Nichols, Gere or Zellweger!

Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way

Campbell’s new book is a self deprecating novel about his chance of getting out of B movies and moving onto the A-list. Although many of the characters in the book are real this is a book of fiction, or as our author states, “everything in this book actually happened, except for all the stuff that didn’t.” Our lead character Bruce Campbell is given an Oscar caliber supporting role in the new Mike Nichols film Let’s Make Love! Problems start to arise on the project when despite his best efforts Campbell begins to slowly influence the movie, its director, and its stars with his B movie sensibilities. He gets Richard Gere interested in doing his own stunt work, he gives some rather humorous suggestions to Rene Zellweger and the costume director, and turns Mike Nichols’ dramatic project into an overspending, cheesy, special effect nightmare of a movie. The studio of course blames all of this on our hero infecting the project with a “B movie virus.”

Any book that makes me laugh out loud I have to endorse. The most comical scenes involve Campbell’s preparation and research for his character Foyl Whipple. A stint as a doorman (Foyl’s profession) is not only disastrous but gets the unwanted attention of the US Secret Service. Learning about relationships and how to give advice leads him into Lester Shankwater’s van which produces some of the funniest lines of the book as we watch how not to pick up women. We also get a look at the gentlemen of the South, a stint as a wedding planner, an attack on the movie studio, and some hilarious interaction between Campbell and his co-stars Richard Gere and Rene Zellweger.

Finally an autobiography worth reading!

If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor

Usually in biographies of actors you get tales of studying in college or with renowned theatrical types. What makes If Chins Could Kill so unique is it’s about an average guy who grew up enjoying film and theater, found friends who had similar interests, and set out to make a career as a working actor and would eventually become the B movie king. None of that method bullshit here. Campbell gives us some terrific memories of growing up in Detroit and about his early attempts into the world of Super 8mm films such as It’s Murder and The Happy Valley Kid. He also stops from time to time to allow others to share their remembrances about specific events, including Sam Raimi. Not too much mind you, this is his book after all; let those other guys get their own book deals!

We get a look at the torturous process of making Evil Dead, which after you read you may wonder how it ever got finished, a look at the sequels and Campbell’s work since then on projects such as Brisco County, Jr. and The Hudsucker Proxy. For me though the best parts of the book were the anecdotes about his experiences and friendships made through growing up and Detroit and his early filmmaking days. My favorite of these has to be the gag Campbell plays on his old friend David Goodman that involves a lemon of a car, a mechanic, a few phone calls, and the US Department of Justice. Folks, friendship can be torture as Campbell himself learned from the evil glee Sam Raimi gets putting him, his friend, in some very hazardous situations while filming.

I’d recommend both of these books to fans of Bruce Campbell and fans of movies in general. The novel is a very funny take on the difference between the A-list and B movies. The autobiography I would also recommend to anyone interested in how to raise money, make, and market a movie or just how to make some great looking fake blood. If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor is available in trade paperback for $13.95 and Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way is available in Hardcover for $23.95. So what are ya’ waiting for already? Get your butts to the bookstore and pick them up, or I might have to get out my Boomstick!

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A Valiant Effort at Mediocrity

Alan Rapp / August 19, 2005 / Movie Reviews

Do you have an obsession with how pigeons were used during World War II? Yeah, me neither. Valiant is a fine little film for senior citizens who like animated features with talking birds; unless that’s you you’d probably do better with a Disney straight to video release.

Valiant
2 Stars

As the credits rolled I wondered, not for the first time, who exactly this film was made for. It seems odd to think that Disney designed an animated feature specifically with senior citizens in mind, seeing how catering to such a small niche market doesn’t exactly mesh with the conglomerate that bought ABC and opened Euro-Disney. This would be a good film for grandparents who lived during WWII to take their grandchildren to and talk about afterwards; sadly the rest of us will end up feeling more than a little bored.

A War Movie For Kids? Disney Style???

The year is 1944 and pigeons are being used to relay vital messages from the Allied Command to the forces deployed in the field. The Axis Powers have deployed hawks to capture the pigeons led by Von Talon (Tim Curry). Valiant (Ewan McGregor) is a young undersized pigeon who feels the need to serve his country and enlists. His platoon contains the “John Canyesque” Bugsy (Rick Gervais), the nerdy Lofty (Pip Torrens), and the musclebrain twins Tailfeather (Dan Roberts) and Toughwood (Brian Lonsdale). Our heroes are trained and sent of with the heroic Gutsy (Hugh Laurie) on their first mission to deliver messages vital to the war effort.

The scenes of the training are much what you’d expect from a Disney version of movies like Stripes. Not much new or of any interest; pigeon and hawk alike are stockpile characters stolen from other flicks. The hawks themselves are fine, but they aren’t given the menace of previous Disney villains. Instead they are used more for comic relief, especially Talon’s two helpers (Michael Schlingmann and Rik Mayall), which makes taking them seriously as a threat is almost impossible. Even when Valiant and his comrades are put into what should be dangerous situations we never really feel they are in any serious danger. It’s bad when you end up rooting for the Nazis, but we simply don’t care whether these characters live or die and I will admit after an hour of this tedious story I was gleefully hoping for a hawk to make himself a pigeon sandwich.

The movie starts out promising with a British pigeon black and white propaganda film and the capture of Mercury (John Cleese). Cleese has some of the films best lines as a P.O.W. captured and interrogated by the hawks. Too bad his part is so small; his wit could have been used in other scenes. The story keeps you vaguely interested as it seems to promise better things to come. We are shown several moments where we expect the film to takeoff and fly, but this bird never really gets off the ground.

It seems odd that this was released in theaters; it has the feel of recent Disney straight to video releases. The movie just never reaches the level you would expect from a Disney film. While I applaud the studio for making a different type of animated feature, the result is less than what one would have hoped for. Most younger children aren’t going to get the gist of the film without detailed explanation, adolescents will avoid it like the plague, and most adults under sixty will be bored out of their minds. Sadly, it was made about four decades too late to have any cultural interest other than in Britain, where I expect it will find some modest success. Although not terrible, I can’t think such a mediocre movie was what such a great cast was assembled to produce. Too bad a group of actors like this was wasted on this turkey.

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Frank Miller’s Sin City

Alan Rapp / August 19, 2005 / Home Video

Title: Sin City
IMDB: link

Walk down the right back alley in Sin City, and you can find anything…

It might seem strange to call a movie as violent and bloody as Sin City beautiful but no other word quite fits. After all the movie vividly contains decapitation, canibalism, castration, severed limbs, truckloads of guns and explosions, and blood in all different shades and colors. It’s a film noir overflowing with deceit, treachery, torture, murder and death. Yet somehow this is all captured as originally drawn by Frank Miller and transferred so lovingly onto screen that one can not help but sit back with wonder and appreciation. Beautiful? ‘Bet your ass!

The plot of the film blends three main stories, with one or two small ones, compiled from Frank Miller’s successful Sin City graphic novels. We get three hardboiled protagonists in the sinful setting of Basin City.

Hardigan (Bruce Willis) is one honest cop in a city owned by the crooks. On his last day on the job he saves 11 year old skinny little Nancy Callahan (played as an adult by Jessica Alba) from a senator’s demented son (Nick Stahl) only to be shot by his partner and put in prison for Junior’s crimes.

…

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New Rule: Bill Maher is Damn Funny

Alan Rapp / August 11, 2005 / Uncategorized

A compilation of Maher’s New Rules from the closing segment of his HBO show Real Time with Bill Maher such as “Country music stars can’t be authors,” and “If you can’t get drunk at a fraternity, it’s not a fraternity.” Great stuff!

New Rules
3 & 1/2 Stars

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: I freakin’ love Bill Maher. New Rules is a collection of Maher’s weekly musings from the closing segment of HBO’s Real Time With Bill Maher. Although I don’t always agree with his take, I will constantly stand up and cheer him for having the balls to put it out there without apology. So sit back kiddies; it’s time for New Rules.

I DON’T CARE IF YOUR PHONE TAKES PICTURES.
IT’S A PHONE, NOT A SWISS ARMY KNIFE.

Okay, you know I’ve going to recommend this so let me start of with some of the things that bothered me about the collection. Except for the introduction there is no new material here. If you have watched the show you will have seen and heard all that the book contains. Also, some of the rules do not have the same impact taken out of the context in which they originally aired. These are small gripes however and although it comes with a steep price tag (Hardcover is priced at $24.95) I still believe it’s a nice addition to a collection, or as Maher says in his introduction many, many times “it makes a great gift.”

So what are New Rules? They are observations Maher has made about people, activities, groups, and our society. For each one he creates a “new rule.” His rules have a certain liberal slant, but it does not stop him from voicing his displeasure at the both the left and the right. He also comments on observations and troubling trends of our society. Each rule is stated as a simple fact and then explained in greater detail.

Maher attacks the evil of fast food, parents who are incapable of disciplining their children, and the spinelessness of the Democratic Party. He examines the hypocrisy of the small government party, Republicans, invading privacy in the home and even going so far as to try to regulate love and marriage. He rails against interest groups power in Washington, especially the Christian Right.

He spends time ranting against pharmacists who refuse to fill medical prescriptions for birth control on their own personal moral objections. He voices his displeasure over Hollywood’s ineptitude to put out a quality product, but spends some time defending his home state of California. He attacks pop culture; he criticizes the idea of people being famous for nothing and makes a quite humorous suggestion for the name of Brittney Spears’ baby.

In two of his more entertaining spiels he looks as the sexually active youth of America. In the first, he examines how abstinence pledges have caused teenagers to have exactly the same amount of STDs as teens who do not take the pledge. Also it seems girls who have taken the pledge are six times more likely to perform oral sex and four times more likely to perform anal sex. The kids signed a contract, but as Bill points out, “they found loopholes—two of them to be exact.” In the second he examines a rather strange phenomenon at local malls. It seems many young suburban white girls have begun prostituting themselves at the local mall in order to buy clothes from the various shops. Sigh, to be sixteen again.

I’d recommend this look to anyone that likes political and observational humor; this is well researched and well delivered. Maher provides a sharp wit, an uncompromising gaze, and a certian flippancy at the world in analyzing what is wrong with all the rest of us. I’ll leave you with a few more rules I paticularly enjoyed:

If you can’t get drunk at a fraternity, it’s not a fraternity.

Country music stars can’t be authors.

The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole.

Bob Dylan must stop denying he was the voice of a generation.

The people in America who were the most in favor of the Iraq war must go there and fight it.

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