Proposal – Men and women can never ever just be friends without the ‘sex thing’ coming into play. That idea was the focus of Rob Reiner’s 1989 film When Harry Met Sally (yes, the one with the famous faking-your-orgasm scene). So how true is the proposal and how good is this film in dealing with the issue?
When Harry Met Sally…
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I’m 45 years old. I have no wife, no kids, and no family- at least I have no family here in Kansas City. They’re all back in L.A., a mere pinpoint in my rear view mirror. I have one male friend, Tim. He writes for this website. I am, for all intents and purposes, a loner- except for the many female friends I have: Suzy, Jaime, Beth, Ashley, Shauna, Cheryl… They’re all much younger than me. I believe the main reasons why they like hanging out with me are because I spend money on them, I make them laugh and I give them brutally honest insight into the male psyche. I tell them that men- especially men between the ages of 16 and 35- are hard-wired to have sex with multiple partners; that we become bored with our partners after about a year, and this boredom results in resentment because we see our partners as obstacles to all the other women who want to have sex with us.
In other words, we’re delusional. Delusions of grandeur are what keep us from asking for directions when we’re lost or looking at the printed instructions when we’re assembling a propane grill. Delusions of Granduer are what brought us out of the caves and onto the high seas… It’s what motivates us to go across a crowded bar and approach a table full of women. I also tell them about the other truth of relationships that none of us can get around: Men and women can never ever just be friends without the ‘sex thing’ coming into play.
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If you’re familiar with that truth, then, like me, you probably heard it crystallized in Rob Reiner and Nora Ephron’s 1989 film “When Harry Met Sally”. Or as the critics called it when it was released, “When Rob Reiner Met Woody Allen”, because of the similarities to “Annie Hall”.
Like “Annie Hall”, anyone who has ever been in a relationship will identify with at least one of the razor sharp observations penned by Nora Ephron and delivered with impeccable timing by The King of Curmudgeon’s , Billy Crystal. While Rob Riener’s direction and the performances of Meg Ryan, Carrie Fisher and Bruno Kirby are first rate, it’s Billy Crystal’s show. Just as he had proved in films like “Running Scared” and “Throw Momma From The Train”, Crystal can generate chemistry from a crash test dummy.
When I saw the film when it premiered, I wondered which lines were written by Ephron and which ones were ad-libbed by Crystal. Now, 17 years later, I don’t care. That’s all just film scholar ‘zanna’. In this day and age, filled with military and corporate euphemisms, and E-Harmony and My Space ‘hook-ups’, it’s refreshing to go back to a film that doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to sex, love and relationships. “Annie Hall” and “When Harry Met Sally” are the tag-team champs of relationship films.
My marriage lasted for ten years. I could add a few truths and observations to the repertoire: finishing each other’s sentences; fighting over who’s going to tell the story of a shared experience to friends at a party because the other got it all wrong the last time. These are some of the things I tell my young friends they can look forward to in a long term relationship.
I also tell them why my marriage didn’t last. It’s one of the other truths in life: Women expect men to change- and they don’t. And men expect women to stay the same- but they change. It’s one of the ironies of life.
Which brings me to one of the great moments in the film- the last scene. No character in film has ever- or, for that matter, will ever- say the words “I hate you” with such heartfelt irony as Sally Albright does.
So buy or rent this film, and keep the pillow in the bedroom because you’re girlfriend (or wife) will not fall asleep halfway through it. It’s a great comedy that meets at least one of my criteria for a great film: people quote it.
If you don’t believe me, try not making references to the lines “Don’t f—- with Mr. Zero” or “Baby Fish Mouth” after you’ve seen it.