It’s really amazing. Take one of the coolest ideas for an event summer tent-pole picture ever, get Steven Spielberg to produce, pull off every visual aspect of the film and throw in some pretty decent actors. All of this in one movie. And even though a lot of it rocks your hard, the big picture still doesn’t work. All because of one man.
Transformers
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I’m young, so maybe I was too idealistic and hopeful about the impending Transformers movie before it came out. But come on dude, what red-blooded American male isn’t turned on by the prospect of watching alien robots fight each other for two hours, while occasionally changing their visages to match those of some awesome cars? In the end, I don’t think my dreams for the film could be were totally unfounded – in fact, I’d say that most of the things I was hoping the film would deliver wound up in the final product. It’s just that, through all of my excitement for my film, I forgot about one inevitable factor; a factor that became the primary catalyst of the movie and changed this film from being maybe one of the best summer films I’ve ever seen into a jumbled mess of an other-wise far-out action movie. That catalyst’s name is Michael Bay
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Here’s the story: there is no story. I mean, there is some vague hinting towards an overall plot linking all of the scenes together, but to call that a ‘story’ might be a bit of a stretch. Whatever story there is here, there’s enough of it to tell the audience that there are creatures [henceforth referred to as “Transformers” or “Fucking Awesome Mofos”] that turn into cars that have come to Earth to find “The Cube,” a device that creates worlds. Some of these Transformers are trying to destroy the cube before some of these evil ones put it to bad use. Shia LaBouf, Tyrese, Josh Duhamel, John Turturro, Jon Voight and some new actress who is so hot that it almost hurts are all somehow involved by the end. That’s about all I could discern from the film.
Most of the time when you refer to a film as having almost no story, it’s a pretty damning statement to make. This is hardly Transformers’ case, as its lack of plot is validated because the movie is too busy kicking you ass to have any time for “plot development.” The movie is a full-on embodiment of everything a summer sceptical movie should be – from the high-octane excitement that few action films can achieve, to the aforementioned girl who’s so hot that it almost hurts – very few movies are this apt for a Fourth of July weekend release.
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Josh Duhamel, trying to understand why anyone would ever hire Michael Bay. |
Mostly, the presence of a story is unnecessary because of the nice collection of actors we have here. Some of them are flat, but a majority (LaBouf, Turturro, Voight, among others) are able to insert enough pep into their often cheesy dialogue to strike just the right chord. There isn’t a speck of character development throughout the entire film, but the actors are having enough fun on screen that it’s all good for the audience. The film is also greatly helped by the CGI effects, and they’re some of the best to present themselves on the big-screen to date. The dirtied by oil, but still full of new-car gleam Transformers are totally boss, hardcore and a half to say the least. We’ve also got some great photography here, from first-time DP Mitchell Amundsen. He really knows how to utilise the chrome on the cars, and saturates the whole film in rich colors and bright sunsets. In some movies it might be too much, but it’s just right for this kind of Blockbuster.
It’s all going great. Really, just wonderful. But a few minutes into the movie, you slowly realize that, despite a million strengths, this is still a Michael Bay movie. Typical of our man Mike, his movies are still edited to be way too fast, with shots rarely lasting any longer than five seconds. He cuts every shot to tight, never giving the audience or the actors any time to breath and enjoy the ride. You hardly ever get a chance in the movie’s two and a half hours to appreciate the fun acting or the fantastic effects. You really feel like you have to put forth an effort to follow the film, something a movie that’s based off of an 80s toy-line should never be.
Fans of Bay’s film-making style might argue that this quickly-paced film just isn’t my kind of film and that his films work for a majority of people; but they would be stupid. Not just because they’re Michael Bay fans, but because this style of utilitarian, thrifty editing has worked with great ease in movies like The Bourne Supremacy. Maybe it’s unfair to compare Bay to a great director like Supremacy‘s Paul Greengrass, but the point is that Bay can’t even pull off his own brand of film-making.
Bay, plain and simple, just doesn’t know how to assemble a film. He may be great for holding together giant films with budgets that have nine digits worth of dollars, but he doesn’t have any business directing. He would probably make for a fantastic producer, but come on Hollywood, give us a break by giving one to Bay.
I like the on-line ads for Transformers a lot. Out of the hands of Bay’s explosion of editing and speed, they’re just stand alone close-ups of Megatron and company, with a gorgeous twilighted city behind them. I actually get to spend a few seconds taking in the production value in these ads, I just wish I had the opportunity to do so during the film it was created for.